Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Kiiwi · Post by **Kiiwi** » 24 Apr 2013, 17:44

Harus post seemed like something out of a program meant for ppl with social pröblems.

But yes, i agree and it works too, if you have a friendship relation to someone for a semilong or a long time before plunging headfirst into a hardcore relationship with the house and the fence and the dog and kids, chances are you're gonna last longer and probably be happier with each other, as not so many things come out from the bushes and fights etc. are a million times ezier to resolve when you know each other already and know how to react and act better towards each other.

...At least in theory. Have heard of many friendships lost to the fact that they've decided to turn it into a serious relationship too tho'.

Anyways good luck to you and the girl in question. Try not to take it too quick or push it, might ezily wind up pushing her away. She's not going anywhere anytime soon i trust?

Ruben · Post by **Ruben** » 24 Apr 2013, 21:03

Haruhi wrote:Perhaps think of it this way.

Why does love have to involve romance?

If little miss adorable so happens to be your friend, it's quite easy to enjoy her company and be made happy by what she does and says. You don't have to sex with someone to enjoy their company.

If she is so lovely, just go out of your way to be lovely to her as well. (Not over the top like "Hi i thought you were pretty so i bought you a porsche.) - ask her how her day has been, show genuine interest in what she responds with. If you so happen to come to class one day and she's not as perky, bring her some chocolate the next day to cheer her up.

Keep in mind: If said girl is as lovely as you say she is, and people fall for her all the time, she's probably pretty used to having friends that all of a sudden admit they like her and make her feel awkward. Girls like that are usually in desperate need of a good friendship and both you and her will get a lot out of it.

If you can do these kind of things and be content with improving her day, you obviously like her. If you can't do these sorts of things because you are crushing too hard and you struggle being at ease around her - How are you coming across to her?

Girls that are kind deserve kindness back to them. You never know, it might come back around and you end up with a really wonderful girlfriend down the track.

Yeah I've thought all these things trough again and again and again. I wouldn't say she's in any sort of "need" of another good friend though, she's got plenty good friends. The signals she gives me are somewhat confusing and contradicting, though that might just me me over-analyzing shit. I've got no problems being around her, so for now I've decided just to let it roll and see what happens. As I've said before I don't NEED her to be my girlfriend, but it would be nice =D

Kiiwi wrote:Harus post seemed like something out of a program meant for ppl with social pröblems.

But yes, i agree and it works too, if you have a friendship relation to someone for a semilong or a long time before plunging headfirst into a hardcore relationship with the house and the fence and the dog and kids, chances are you're gonna last longer and probably be happier with each other, as not so many things come out from the bushes and fights etc. are a million times ezier to resolve when you know each other already and know how to react and act better towards each other.

...At least in theory. Have heard of many friendships lost to the fact that they've decided to turn it into a serious relationship too tho'.

Anyways good luck to you and the girl in question. Try not to take it too quick or push it, might ezily wind up pushing her away. She's not going anywhere anytime soon i trust?

Well here's another complication which REALLY makes it all go down the shitter. You see, this autumn I'm moving north to Hamar on a boarding school. And she's moving to England to study... I'm back in Oslo after a year, but I've got no clue about how long she'll be away. This is another one of the reasons why I haven't tried too hard with her, cause long distance relationships have never worked and will never work for anyone.

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 24 Apr 2013, 22:14

I think showing her the newest style you found in elma will melt her heart. Even thou my gf thinks it lame, I think most girls would find it impressive.

Ruben · Post by **Ruben** » 24 Apr 2013, 22:21

She actually said Elma was one of the saddest things she's ever seen =P

Lukazz · Post by **Lukazz** » 24 Apr 2013, 22:28

pff... she doesn't deserve you then!

Tigro · Post by **Tigro** » 24 Apr 2013, 22:54

This is how elma looks to non-initiated ones (to normal ones).

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 6 May 2013, 18:46

Haruhi wrote:If little miss adorable so happens to be your friend, it's quite easy to enjoy her company and be made happy by what she does and says. You don't have to sex with someone to enjoy their company.

seriously, what the fuck! girls don't like fucking losers
my suggestion - no matter how many other guys want her - go for it and if it fails, forget about her and get some other girl
back to teh topic - I got a new one some time ago, perfect for me from any perspective, hopefully teh last gf:)

Ruben · Post by **Ruben** » 6 May 2013, 22:19

milagros wrote:seriously, what the fuck! girls don't like fucking losers
my suggestion - no matter how many other guys want her - go for it and if it fails, forget about her and get some other girl
back to teh topic - I got a new one some time ago, perfect for me from any perspective, hopefully teh last gf:)

Yeah lucky for you dude. Though, one always seems to think (with serious relationships anyway) that they're the one. That is, untill you realize they annoy the fuck outta you and you just want to avoid them forever...

I have to say there's a big difference between not having the gut to ask a girl out, and being a "fucking loser". I also think just getting "some other girl" if she says no is a bit hipocritical. When I let the cat out of the box (or some other strange expression) I'm sure as fuck not going to back down untill either she's mine, or she's got a restraining order on me. "Some other girl" just doesn't cut it (unless you just want to ram them senseless, in which case I think the term "fuck buddies" is more appropriate).

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 7 May 2013, 00:03

Interhybritizer wrote:one always seems to think (with serious relationships anyway) that they're the one.

well, I'm a bit older and had a few long term relationships, so I already have a good guess
i would not be surprised if I married this one

Interhybritizer wrote:"Some other girl" just doesn't cut it

the important part was "forget about her", then it gets easier to get a new one

Kiiwi · Post by **Kiiwi** » 7 May 2013, 03:55

Aren't we all different? Different approaches work for different people. I don't think there are "right" and "wrong" ways of going about love. Personally I'm more in lines with Interhybridizer, but I'm willing to bet that Milas view is just as "right".

Intorhybrodyzer asked for, if not help, insight, in which case I think it's not that cool to respond by calling him a loser, even if it was in a round-a-bout way. All the best Mila, i hope you got it right this time around and she's the notorious One

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 7 May 2013, 09:21

Kiiwi wrote:I think it's not that cool to respond by calling him a loser

I didn't call him a loser, I wrote Haruhi's suggestion was fucking stupid
maybe we are all different, but his suggestion was plain stupid anyway:)

Grace · Post by **Grace** » 7 May 2013, 09:37

milagros wrote: seriously, what the fuck! girls don't like fucking losers

This is true enough, but i think that what you think a "fucking loser" is - is not only completely subjective, but completely wrong. I can't foresee any reason why being kind to someone makes them a loser.

Inter posted about a girl that he thought was always sweet and happy. In my opinion, the best way to make her want him is to be sweet and positive back to her.

At least - i don't understand how my advice could be construed as bad or "fucking stupid." - Because the direct alternative is to be a cunt to her and make her miserable. Does this help at all? I hardly think so. While I do respect your opinion, mila, it's just wrong.

I also don't think that all girls will think exactly the same. Generalising is a poor habit.

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 7 May 2013, 12:18

Haruhi wrote:Generalising is a poor habit.

generalising is a good habit, it helps you to survive in a hostile environment, such as mopolauta;)

anyway Interhybritizer, you may not know about it (and she may not know about it either), but she has already decided if she wants you or not. If she decided she does not want you, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it and you should forget about her. The best option is to give it a try, otherwise you are just wasting your time in both cases.

8-ball · Post by **8-ball** » 7 May 2013, 14:29

i guess i can elaborate on where the "loser" accusation comes from. there's nothing in particular bad about being kind and respectful without showing any other intentions towards a female and any other human for that matter. but we're clearly talking about a female to whom you're attracted to and wish to pursue romantically, in which case... you're only making yourself miserable by remaining in what appears to be her platonic company. so do yourself a favor and act now, as mila already said - she's already made up her mind and nothing will change it, it's up to you if you want to find out what it is. worst case - you get to move on, which is liberating to say the least.

Ruben · Post by **Ruben** » 7 May 2013, 22:49

This debate you've got going here is quite interesting, to me at least, but honestly not very useful... =P

I didn't really ask for your advice so much as just sharing what I had to say. There is however a part where the plot thickens, but I will leave it for later for dramatic effect. Also I'm really fucking tired right now and I have my final bass exam tomorrow.

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 12 May 2013, 00:57

In general, girls never want to much attention. It's easy to scare them away

Ah good thing is to help with something, and be nice without groping all over, drastically speakin.
Get them to feel safe around you and then do whatever you want

.

I've had my current gf in 1,5 year and it's really hard to keep the fire between us, and easier to fire at each other. Specially after we moved together I've had a real tough time feeling as happy as I should be. We thrust each other completely and we are happy together, but she's a kinda person who doesn't show feelings so much. And I'm like this cuddle person and that annoys me, because she hates cuddling, and that makes me feel like I don't get the love I always wanted. I just feel like I can never be satisfied with my life for a long period of time. Sometimes I want to go out and just start huntin for chicks again, but then I remember how hard it is, and that I still love my gf. Anyways my whining is prolly a result for not gettin laid for along time, and living/sleepin next to the only one I can do it with. So much easier living with my parents, except their whining. ok I'll take that back.

Thundr- · Post by **Thundr-** » 12 Jul 2013, 03:14

Broke up with my gf a few days ago, gonna be a very long outdrawn process due to having a child, appartment, cars together etc. Unlike a "normal" break up this time around we are still obligated to meet and hangout with each other for the rest of our lives due to our daugther. Its a weird sensation to say the least.

abruzzi · Post by **abruzzi** » 12 Jul 2013, 12:32

Thundr- wrote:Broke up with my gf a few days ago, gonna be a very long outdrawn process due to having a child, appartment, cars together etc. Unlike a "normal" break up this time around we are still obligated to meet and hangout with each other for the rest of our lives due to our daugther. Its a weird sensation to say the least.

Oh my god, no

Maybe it's still fixable?

anpdad · Post by **anpdad** » 12 Jul 2013, 14:06

Wow man, that's sad to hear. Hope you'll make it through and your child won't get affected much by it.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 12 Jul 2013, 14:46

anpdad wrote:Hope your child won't get affected much by it.

She will, and that's the worst part.

Bludek · Post by **Bludek** » 12 Jul 2013, 20:17

Oh, that's so sad, I feel very sorry for u

. Good luck in your future life, Thundr- !

Thundr- · Post by **Thundr-** » 13 Jul 2013, 00:35

abruzzi wrote:Maybe it's still fixable?

Fixable time expired at least a year ago, now its absolutely nothing left. We "barely" hugged each other a few times during the last 3 months or so. So relationship..wise, the loss wasnt exactly tremendous or damaging at this point, it was a very easy decision on my part.

Regarding our daugther the situation is 1000000 times more complicated and life-altering, we havent worked out any details yet, that conversation is due to take place on monday.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 13 Jul 2013, 02:57

Thundr- wrote:
abruzzi wrote:Regarding our daugther the situation is 1000000 times more complicated and life-altering, we havent worked out any details yet, that conversation is due to take place on monday.

Good luck with that :/ And don't get me wrong, I do feel sorry for all of you about this, I'm just worried about your daughter, because I know she's going to be affected the most... How old is she? :(

Thundr- · Post by **Thundr-** » 14 Jul 2013, 00:05

She is a grand whopping 9 months old, so her notion of "a family" doesnt really exist yet. My own parents separated when i was like 12, that was a nasty business with many new things and changing. Dont have any references how it is to grow up with already separarated teh

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 14 Jul 2013, 01:47

Well, I got over "many new things and changing" a long time ago, but from my perspective living with parents separated still sucks, even though I'm now almost a thousand miles away.

Good luck with everything! And honest best wishes for everyone involved.

Ramone · Post by **Ramone** » 24 Jul 2013, 13:43

well, its better to have two happy parents apart than two miserable parents together. still, after birth many things can happen to mother and it might be a situation that can be helped. i know nothing of this case so cant say anything really. best of luck Thundr-/Kejebra-/Lars!

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 20 Aug 2013, 22:43

Single again, after almost 2 years. Were supposed to have a talk about the relationship. In the conversation she said she'd lost her feelings and just wanted me to move out asap. So I moved out the next day to my brother. Feels like restart of life now.

abruzzi · Post by **abruzzi** » 20 Aug 2013, 22:50

heh women, they rarely know what they want:(

Bludek · Post by **Bludek** » 23 Aug 2013, 18:38

we broke up today after 3,5 years.

edit: AND TIME'S UP to read the rest of it. sry.

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 26 Aug 2013, 01:25

My brother lost his gf after 6 months, his best friend now after 8 years, a guy at work lost his after 3 years. An old friend lost his after 4 years. A girl i know just had her parents divorced. all within two months. Epidemic going on I guess.

Tigro · Post by **Tigro** » 29 Aug 2013, 20:05

rotten society.

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 1 Sep 2013, 02:06

yesterday another guy at work told me he's gonna leave his gf after 3 years

Tigro · Post by **Tigro** » 1 Sep 2013, 21:49

previously you said "lost", now you said "left" (gonna leave). Kinda hidden sense in this?

anpdad · Post by **anpdad** » 2 Sep 2013, 13:54

same after 3 yrs or so

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 2 Sep 2013, 23:16

Tigro wrote:previously you said "lost", now you said "left" (gonna leave). Kinda hidden sense in this?

Guy left girlfriend (meaning the boy ended relationship)
Guy lost girlfriend (meaning the girl ended relationship)

Bjenn · Post by **Bjenn** » 3 Sep 2013, 10:27

People need to learn how to work things out =)
Me myself worked things out by not having a single girlfriend yet!!
Hahhaa haaue haeaha .. omg i'm gonna be forever alone :'(

Tigro · Post by **Tigro** » 3 Sep 2013, 12:04

amen.

(same with me)

Ruben · Post by **Ruben** » 4 Sep 2013, 14:55

Bjenn wrote:People need to learn how to work things out =)
Me myself worked things out by not having a single girlfriend yet!!
Hahhaa haaue haeaha .. omg i'm gonna be forever alone :'(

Getting a girlfriend was never an issue. The hard part is getting a girl you actually like.

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 14 Sep 2013, 15:56

my gf played elma 10+ years ago, finished all levs and knew I had freefall wr that time:)
edit: not sure if this topic is suitable, but couldn't find any more suitable one

8-ball · Post by **8-ball** » 15 Sep 2013, 10:35

that's pretty fucking sick

8-ball · Post by **8-ball** » 9 Oct 2013, 00:50

Ended my relationship of 3 1/2 years about a week ago. And less than a week later I'm in a new one. Oh well =)

Tigro · Post by **Tigro** » 9 Oct 2013, 07:13

Did you end your previous because of the new one (in any way), or those two are absolutely unrelated?

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 22 Mar 2014, 04:44

Before my gf left me she went north visiting her sister. And today she got in a relationship with one of her sisters friend from the north. Feels so horribly bad. Still have so much feelings after such a long time, pls tell how to kill them, because now I feel like diggin a hole and don't crawl up. Times like these I wish I never allowed myself to love someone.

Most of this time apart I've been thinkin alot about how to approach her to try and make things ok again, had this glimmer of hope. And now I'm like this 14 year old emo. Feels good to write something tho

niN · Post by **niN** » 22 Mar 2014, 13:56

Sounds like it sucks Mats

I feel your pain. I don't know how to make the suffering go away. I've suffered every day for a year since a woman totally murdured my heart. All I do to feel better is work hard and listen to music. I haven't touched a girl since last summer because I have no lust anymore and I've become very introverted since then. It feels very bad almost every day. But I am really trying to stay positive. It's important to find some kind of joy in other things, no matter how small they might be. If even only a good breakfast...

anpdad · Post by **anpdad** » 23 Mar 2014, 13:00

Feel you, Mats. Doubt any words are going to help atm, but niN's advice is good - focusing on the positive things and working on something you love, while forcing yourself not to get sunk in depression will get the job done. Having good friends helps. Might take a while for the scars to go away, but it'll happen one day.

niN wrote:I haven't touched a girl since last summer because I have no lust anymore and I've become very introverted since then.

Does this mean you weren't much of an introvert before? Or you just became even more closed than before? In either case, that's rough :/

8-ball · Post by **8-ball** » 23 Mar 2014, 13:20

Been very happy with a new one for a month now

niN · Post by **niN** » 23 Mar 2014, 13:43

anpdad wrote:
niN wrote:I haven't touched a girl since last summer because I have no lust anymore and I've become very introverted since then.
Does this mean you weren't much of an introvert before? Or you just became even more closed than before? In either case, that's rough :/

I wouldn't say I've done a 90 degree personallity turn, but I'm more closed now than before. It's kind of like she made me lose interest in social relationships. But I am pretty confident that when I meet another girl as good as her things will change.

Mats · Post by **Mats** » 26 Mar 2014, 00:46

Thx for support and tips <3 Really made my day. I went out drinkin on saturday, and got my mind disconnected. Now feels better, nice weather atm and hittin rock bottom means no way but up, thinkin like that is really what I'm trying to do, and it kinda works.

Feel for you aswell Nin. There is always another girl, but you probably feel like I do, don't wanna do the effort because you don't want anyone else. I have good experience from my first big fail with gf some years ago. I really felt so strongly and she was my first big love of my life kinda thing. She broke up just before christmas over the phone out the blue, my parents were all surprised because they never had seen me broken down and cry before. I was even more broken than now, because I had no such exp. Even tho it wasn't as good girl I lost then, Love blinded. I lost all interest in basicly everything, and didn't know what to do. Just avoided every social aspect of life.
Then one day I was watchin this movie "Yes Man", and then it sunk in how bad I actually threated myself. Not late after that an old friend had some birthday party. Hadn't seen him or anyone there since schooldays. I just decided like what is there to loose. Called another friend from childhood and he was overly happy with me going there.
That party basicly changed my life, met people I hadnt seen in 8 years. I was really confident which I usually never am. Had nothing to loose and I didn't care about what people thought about me at all, made me feel like everyone else got more problems and I don't have any no more. Goin on with the feel of people being less confident than yourself is really awesome, because it works

. Everyone were welcoming and having fun.
Later at night this girl came out to me and said a drunk guy was being creepy and followed her and wanted to get rid of him. I went in tried to trick him that she leaved, and went back out. She thanked me and we started talkin. Then suddenly he went outside, we ran around the corner of the house, then just started making out for quite long. Then someone saw it and lots of people got out and I just didn't care about that

. From there I got the nick "The Player". Nothing more happened, got her number and she went home. I went home, texted her the next day. She was like; who are you. When I told her who I was she was overly happy that I actually contacted her. I started getting all on top of the world in my own head, forgot all about my previous life. Gained some friends from the party as well. Which has led to many more, like 90% of the people I know today. The girl I made out with became my best friend. Now actually very good friend with the drunk guy still today

, he's the totally opposite of creeper. One of these new friends got a gf and they set me up with her best friend, which turned into almost 2 year relationship, which is the one I'm sad about now.
The girl which I was sad about in the beginning, we started talkin on facebook last year, she is engaged and has kid with a dude. She said she missed me after some talk. I thought what the hell, went out and visited them. It went really well, realized I had no feelings for her at all. And now both of them are good friends, and I'm invited to their wedding. Still he doesn't know that me and her were together tho, but probably for the best. He is sharing his problems with me and consider me very close friend as well.

Well I just wrote my life story

but anyway point of story is that it doesn't take much effort to change life and feelings as long as you just go do something. I climbed from lonely gamer in basement to having life by basicly no effort. Still I enjoy being introverted and just go out whenever I'm restless. I know I'm going stronger than my ex, but just at the moment shit happens, mind and feelings freak out, and has healing time. I'm just gonna be sad for a while and go try again when I feel like it. Best tip is to not wait until you're fully ready, because then you'll die first.

Cool thing to do is go out somewhere and talk so some girl that seems to be single, with no intentions of hitting on her or hookin up and just don't care if I she blew you off right away or however she reacts. It's good to boost yourself by doing it. It's like hoyling, in beginning really hard, but then after a while you'll cruise and be more confident with your skills. In beginning it will feel like you fail, until you change your thoughts to that it's actually her failing, her loss

Most of the times girls is repellent to guys approachin them, but just need to be nice and raise confidence exp. This worked with the most beautiful stripper in a strip club once. I bought the only lap dance so far in my life, and weren't "creepy", and just being this confident gentleman. She went outside with me, gave me smoke, we talked, she said I shouldn't buy more lap dances, and she could take me out the next day instead. She gave me all these compliments and was feeling bad I spent money on her, talked about her life, kid and everything. I said maybe tomorrow then and got her number, never called her back and got many confidence exp

. Feel a little bad for her tho, but she sure wouldn't havin problems finding whoever she wants. Such a funny thing that girls always likes guys which don't like them, especially prettiest ones. They're like hey why don't he like me like everyone else and gets interested. When you then find the right girl you'll go overpowering with all your exp, and get the gf.
Life is a game and most people don't play because they hate leveling up, and just lookin for the right one, which can be lvl.60 and way to hard if you're lvl.1. In relationships level usually decreases and it's hard to maintain, haven't solved that issue yet

This might be a long and ridiculous message, but still, many valid points here from my personal experience of this hard quest called life.

petsen · Post by **petsen** » 23 May 2014, 21:58

petsen wrote:well 2 days ago i got a new gf, we're kinda still a bit nervous around eachother cuz we really dont know each other... but we have some classes together at school and we met a this party 2 days ago. Her friend made sure i met her, and we starting kissing...

so im kinda excited to how its going to be from now on )

Fun to read all this stuff that happened so long ago!

Well, yes. 11 years since I made this silly topic and now im married and have a son

Tried to add a pic, but couldnt.

Hope you guys from back in the day are doing good too!

Xiphias · Post by **Xiphias** » 23 May 2014, 22:10

petsen wrote:
petsen wrote:well 2 days ago i got a new gf, we're kinda still a bit nervous around eachother cuz we really dont know each other... but we have some classes together at school and we met a this party 2 days ago. Her friend made sure i met her, and we starting kissing...

so im kinda excited to how its going to be from now on )

Fun to read all this stuff that happened so long ago!

Well, yes. 11 years since I made this silly topic and now im married and have a son Tried to add a pic, but couldnt.

Hope you guys from back in the day are doing good too!

Wow that's awesome! Congratulations! =)