Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by zebra » 1 Sep 2016, 14:15

Thanks Mats. And nice pic ;) Where could I go without my stripes...
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by pawq » 16 Sep 2016, 18:54

Holy shit, so much has happened here in the mean time! Congratulations on all your successes mans (zebra!!!), and to those a bit less successful - I hope your luck has turned since your last posts :)

I guess I'm incredibly lucky. Been together with my gf for almost 2y now, we now live together in a newly built rented flat with our own furniture (quite a big investment...), and it's great.

Probably the only major issue we've ever had is the fact that I need quite a bit of the "me" time, which in my case means some Elma, some other games, some headphone music. Unfortunately, she's not too happy about it. She tolerates it, sure, because I'm not some sick addict playing 15h a day, but she sometimes says remarks like "are you playing that silly game again? Ok..." (People have no respect for Elma these days.) I talked to her about this and she said she understands, so it should be ok I guess, but we'll see how well she tolerates it further down the line.

A more serious problem tho is that she doesn't tolerate anything heavier than Peter Gabriel,which means that I can't listen to 90% of my music when she's at home. And it's annoying, because I bought a new hifi system a few months ago and it sounds sick with some opeth, but cant listen :( maybe she'll start getting used to it a bit with time, but I feel a bit limited in this sense.

But other than that really nothing to complain. We have a similar sense of humour (although sometimes when I go into my harsher humour she's a bit unsure whether to laugh or smack me :D), we enjoy similar films and some lighter music, we both love it warm, we have similar visual/aesthetical tastes, and we both love to travel :)

People keep asking me about marriage but nah, not yet. Gotta make her listen to Tool first ;)


I realize I've been lucky and I wish the same to all of you guys! And btw, worry less than you do about dating. When we first met we were both after sleepless nights, I was hungover and couldn't speak (alcohol-unrelated throat problems) and she was sick too. First date? I overslept, she woke me up by phone... But waited xd

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Ruben » 17 Sep 2016, 10:06

Pawq wrote:she doesn't tolerate anything heavier than Peter Gabriel
This cracked me up xDDD
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Bludek » 19 Sep 2016, 23:08

So ye, I broke up after 3-4 months (dunno exact). Never broke up w/ a girl before. Prev GFs always felt like the best girls in the world, this one did not. I am not even sad atm, more like relieved. Maybe I will miss some stuff about her, but I think it was the correct decision. After 5 days on a vacation w/ her I felt like I would rather stare at the wall than doing any activity w/ her.
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Some interesting things about her if anyone cares - she was bipolar (manic and depressive episodes), but I only knew her in her calm phase. You wouldn't notice anything weird even after whole day with her. But I was super worried about unpleasant future w/ her.

She was also sleepwalking. Never saw anything like that before (I have goosebumps just thinking about it, you'll understand in a sec).
One day, I woke up in the middle of the night and saw her in the middle of the room, hair over her face, head down - I did not see her eyes - crashing into furniture. I tried to speak to her, but she did not reply. Then she sat on my bed and said my name twice. I tried to wake her up by some more talking, but nothing happened. I still didn't see her eyes, I wonder if they were closed or wide open. Then she just pushed me to the side and lied next to me on her back. Still sleeping. My brain still did not quite get it, coz I woke up literally 20 seconds before that. I was quite scared, though. I waited like 20 more seconds and tried to comprehend it. I touched her shoulder gently and said her name. She semi-woke up, very confused. I told her to go to her bed (like 1 meter away) and she just moved there and fell to sleep instantly. I could not sleep for like 1 more hour. Her every little move made me think, that she'll sleepwalk again.
And she did it again next night. She fell asleep much much sooner than I did. Just when I was about to fall asleep, I saw her sit up on her bed. She started to mumble something and then said some stuff about a train and tried to open imaginary door (I saw her from back). I said her name and stated very distinctly - go to sleep! - twice. And she just said "aha, ok" and layed down.

These are also partly reasons, why I left her. Maybe if I would loved her, I would overcome that, but that was not the case at all. At least from my side of the relationship.

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Lousku » 20 Sep 2016, 02:11

I think that kinda sleepwalking is relatively common and probably not dangerous. For example my sister has always been like teh, walking around teh apartment and talking kreisi nonsense about absolutli needing to get behind that bookshelf because of reasons, and making up words and using them in otherwise normal sentences, etc etc etc. Sometimes it's creepy though, especially if you don't immediately realize they're asleep. On other times it's just funny to have conversations with a sleeping person. Interesting stuff nonetehless.
then again i don't know anything
maybe easier not to think abouut alöl things thought than not things thought ... or something..=?

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by pawq » 20 Sep 2016, 09:37

Yeah, my cousin used to do it when we were kids, he did it once when he was sleeping at my place. I was a bit freaked out at first but then I was like wtf lol :D as Lousku said, I don't think this is very dangerous and probably quite common, just better not leave the windows open for the night if living on the 10th floor.

Depressive/manic episodes sound a bit worse... I think the most important thing you said tho is that you didn't love her even despite that. From my experience love definitely gives people faith and hope, and they want to overcome things. Hopefully that'll be the case next time for you bludek, good luck!

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Ruben » 20 Sep 2016, 11:53

Me and a bunch of friends slept at a hostel when we were in Praha, that's where we discovered that one of our friends is a sleepwalker. In the middle of the night he fell down from his bunk bed (he was in the top bunk) and hit the floor with a loud WHAM! He promptly got up, climbed back into his bed and lied down. All without waking up.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Mats » 7 Aug 2017, 00:06

Ima revive this topic with latest news. So I've been going ham on dating apps lately.

Found a girl that seemed perfect, we talked online for 2 weeks everyday. We set up a first date and things seemed fine. Then she wanted me to come to her friends house two days before the first date, I agreed to come for a visit. Then when I was literally there, she came up with an excuse and couldn't meet me afterall. I was quite upset and on the way home the rain started pouring like a tropical rain forrest making me soaking wet. I got home and didn't hear anything more from her, so I wrote a casual message in the evening if she was having fun with her friends. She never read that message or logged into the app afterwards.

I got very upset and curious like what is going on, but I didn't have her number to approach directly. The day of our date came, and she still hadn't logged in and said anything. I then looked up her phone number with some trickery as I only knew her first name. I wrote her a long text just trying to be supportive and saying I wouldn't go on the date and that she could take her time to deal with emotions and stuff. She never replied, so I got very sad not being able to even meet her before getting rejected. We had a very good tone talking to eachother aswell but it all just died away pretty fast just like that.

So next day I just had to move on to a new girl to avoid thinking to much about it, so I contacted like 3 more, one of them replied and we talked a little bit, but she wasn't very responsive making me think she wasn't really interested.

Then next day I downloaded tinder, and my profile from 2014 was still alive. I swiped a match quite fast and she talked to me right away, so it was easier this time around. We talked a little bit and I set up a meeting very fast this time. I visited her, but wasn't very prepared and she was kinda not building much conversation, so there was a few awkward moments but not crucial. Overall I really liked her, afterwards I wrote her it was nice to meet her and she said it was nice to meet me aswell. I said we could meet again next week, and guess what, no reply for a day now even tho she read my message right away.

So today I'm talking to a new girl again. :?

My head getting pretty confused at this point, resetting is easier in elma. I forget what I told who and stuff, so it's all a mess and an emotional rollercoaster. But it's still fun to try, it's like hoyling an impsy bounce looking for a lucky bugbounce to get into an relationship.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by pawq » 7 Aug 2017, 00:37

Sounds pretty disheartening, but if you believe that is the way then gotta keep faith! Good luck, fingers crossed!

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Zweq » 7 Aug 2017, 07:03

sounds like you need to improve your read-humans skill to filter idiot people
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by anpdad » 7 Aug 2017, 08:50

Heh, that brings memories of my own powerdating experiences in 2016, where resetting was a necessary skill cuz i'm not really that handsome nor was i good at keeping an IRL conversation going. So for couple of weeks i would message like 30+ girls and go to 3-4 dates a day. I even kept notes to make it easier to remember the necessary details, and would keep a file that tracked successes/fails, general approaches and skills to work on. It was pretty fun and incredibly exhausting at the same time. Hope you won't have to go through the same ordeal :) My goals were quite different back then though, but still the whole thing greatly changed me (in a good way) and improved self-esteem on top of that. Don't let situations like these discourage you. Sure, you wasted your time and energy, but you also dodged a person who's either not very interested, or is just messed up.

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by kuchitsu » 7 Aug 2017, 10:56

I think it's perfectly understandable if people chicken out. My impression is that to most people dating sites seem kinda sketchy and they are always a bit afraid to actually meet people this way. Typical logic is "if someone is looking for a girlfriend on the internet, he must be either a creep or a guy with problems, otherwise he wouldn't have to resort to such methods". So most girls will always be a little skeptical there. Well, of course it still disheartening because you had only best intentions in mind. I don't know, maybe you wrote something that she found suspicious sounding...

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by pawq » 7 Aug 2017, 12:14

kuchitsu wrote:I don't know, maybe you wrote something that she found suspicious sounding...
It may be much less than that imo. Imagine you're meeting a completely new girl with the specific intention of dating. It could be the tiniest thing, like the boring hairstyle that your biggest nemesis at school had, or some little speaking manner here and there you find annoying, or just simply a lack of that... thing, that would attract you to her and make you want to meet her again. Talking online and irl are completely different things, and we notice much more irl - not just the verbal content, but the emotions, the facial expressions, etc., and a lot of these things need to be right for us to go ahead. This is a good and bad thing. Good, because as zweq said, it makes us dodge idiots :D, but bad because it makes it harder to find someone suitable. Likewise, it works the other way, and for whatever tiniest reason those girls may meet you and think that it's all ok etc., but you just don't have that "thing" that they want. Again, good and bad. Bad, because harder to find someone, but good because it doesn't mean there's anything at all wrong with you, you just haven't been lucky enough to find the right gurl =)

I haven't had a gf until I was 21 (when I met my fiancee), and for all that time I kept changing my mind between "damn there's something wrong with me" and "I just haven't met the right girl yet". I actually set myself some stupid childish goals, such as "I gotta fuck before I'm 18 or else I'm nab" when I was like 16. Obviously took much longer than that :D I put quite a bit of pressure on myself though, and when I was like 20 or sth I actually decided you know what, fuck it. I'm not gonna think about it. I'll just be patient. And since then it didn't take very long, maybe that attitude helped? I actually think it was both sth wrong with me and no right girl when I was younger though, I was a stupid, immature, nerdy, and overly sarcastic kid - who'd want to date one like that :D But I'm sure that's not the case with Mats, so nothing to worry about =) Just patience!

(dunno if anyone cares about what I wrote, but felt like sharing some thoughts...)

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Mats » 7 Aug 2017, 13:54

Thanks for all the replies and support :)

My main take away from this is developing my social skills, that slowly has faded away. The biggest problem is when you have to lead the conversation, and dealing with another person with a lack of social skills. On my recent date I felt way worse at this stuff than some years ago.

2010/11 was my peak of social interraction, then I had no problems dealing with girls and gotten into my longest relationship fall 2011. As the relationship progressed and things went bad I lost more of my confidence and didn't feel like myself anymore. So when the relationship ended in the fall 2013 I only then realised what happend and how I been acting. I quickly tried to save the relationship when I felt more normal a few months after, but that didn't work very well. Then I tried salvaging the life I had before the relationship but it quickly seemed uninteresting to go down that road again.

Then in 2014 I tried online dating for the first time, but had very little motivation and emotions to go for anything serious again. Then things seemed to go better in the end of 2014 and I felt my life was going really well at that point. I was very close to dating a girl I been friends with for many years, but she still hadn't ended her current relationship at that time, and I backed out because I don't like cheating. Right after that she got single though :roll:

Then 2015 started with me screwing up big time, lost my driving licence which made me quite depressed, and led to me losing my job aswell. The girl I liked got into another relationship, I had a huge fine based on last years income to pay and no longer having a job. I was waiting for a prison sentence aswell. I isolated myself pretty much and didn't feel like talking to anyone. I did however get into school, but with no motivation at all.

2 years passed going to school and stuff. In may I finally got my driving licence back which made me feel like my punishment was done, and then completing school in june made me feel great again. I got a inner boost making me want to get things back on track, which led to this dating mayhem. Meeting people I havent seen in years, and it feels like the last couple of years never happend. So failing in a date doesn't really bother me very much now, it feels like a success just talking to new people.

So now I'm just trying to feel good about myself, and having fun trying to find love, before I focus on getting a meaningless job.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by ofta » 8 Aug 2017, 14:30

so why did u spend time in prison? that might be the thing y'know it's public info and the girls maybe did some research and turned away. however i don't think dating sites r good cuz chemistry is the #1 thing in dating and u can't smell, touch or feel online. i recommend strike up girls offline and try to get that chemistry

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Lukazz » 9 Aug 2017, 19:30

ofta wrote:so why did u spend time in prison?
http://mopolauta.moposite.com/viewtopic ... on#p241504
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by Abula » 13 Mar 2018, 22:11

Hard to research EOL early days because milatalk reminds me all the time how the get girls and that's more interesting than fantasizing Elma times which I didn't participate but one must be strong! I just wanted to post here so you can feel for me. Mans must find the inner man.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by Abula » 13 Mar 2018, 22:17

Noticed that I hadn't updated my personal status. It's probably not a surprise but we have separated after 10y. It was max life but time for new adventures :beer: At least the article gets finished now :D
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by 8-ball » 15 Mar 2018, 02:25

I'm now single after 3 years again too, looking forward to new adventures :)
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by Bludek » 7 Jun 2018, 13:24

I don't wanna jinx myself, but few days ago I celebrated half a year with this girl and I feel like she is the one. I love her truly, she loves me and we are now thinking about options for living together. She is amazingly cute and hot and tbh, at first I though she is WAY out of my league. But now it feels really fine and great :) There's only one thing, that bothers me a bit. Like one of my prev girlfriends, this one is also from quite rich family. Which sounds like a hundred percent good thing, but the thing is, I am kinda not from a rich family. More like middle class. Her father was a CEO of this big company, he does not work anymore, coz he does not need to, and she is used to very high standard of living. I am quite worried that in the future it could very well happen, that I won't be able to give her everything she wants (in terms of finances). But I guess only time will tell. Maybe I am worrying for no reason.

It is always nice to write it down in this topic. At least I'll be able to read it after few years and see how I was wrong/right :)
edit: also, I guess I write to this topic a bit too often, but it always feels like so much happened since the last post! GL all mans

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by pawq » 7 Jun 2018, 15:08

Ugh, I hate the fact that our society still works in the way that people are bothered about the status of others ;/ One of the first things my dad asked me about my gf (if not the first) was what her parents do for living. My immediate answer was "who the fuck cares" mixed with "none of your business", but for him it was important as hell. Still is. And he never really wanted to talk to them because of the social differences ("nothing to talk about" osv). I find it sickening.

I think it's very important to judge people for who they are, not for what their family is like. Sure, it's worth considering that the parents/family do have an effect on the children, but they don't define who their children are. I have some bad traits after my dad, but I'm trying to separate myself from his way of life and, most importantly, from his way of thinking, as much as possible. I'd hate to be judged for what my dad is saying, and I think it would be a mistake if my gf did that. By now she can very clearly see that I'm not like him.

I know this is only vaguely relevant to what you said Bludek, but I kinda wanted to share it anyway. In your case I think it's very important that you try to judge what her approach to money and possessions is. I know also from past experience that this approach can indeed be a deal breaker. But I think it's more the approach itself, than the depth of the bank account. For some people money is the most important thing because it allows them to obtain possessions, so they want to spend all the money they get. For others, money itself is the most important thing so they save every penny they earn. Just imagine a couple formed of the two sides. But a lot of other people are more sensible, and probably somewhere in between. We're quite close on this aspect with gf, but not close enough to share our finances; we're keeping, and planning to keep, separate accounts.

In the case of your gf, it could turn out that money has been such an important part of her life, that she'll struggle to live with any less in the future. But it may also be that she's much more sensible than that, and values other traits that you have more than your status. I know it's probably hard to judge this after a few months of dating, but I think living together would be mega helpful in this respect. Also know this from experience... I've dated my gf for about half a year before we moved in together, and lived together for circa 3 years now. I can see in hindsight that it would have been ludicrous to marry her before moving in together (which is what some people do), because I knew hardly anything about her then. I think you'd be able to see, for example, how much she misses her "high" standard of life when living with you. And a million other things that can make or break a relationship!

Also, it's worth remembering that we live in an age when the man doesn't have to provide for the woman ;)



Just some thoughts, I hope it all kinda makes sense and sorry if too long :shrug:

The only actual piece of advice I feel entitled to give is: move in with her if you can and see what it's like :)

And I hope my mumbling didn't sound negative. It wasn't meant to at least. I hope to see many positive messages from you in this topic in the future ;) Fingers crossed!!!

And pls come to FEM again :cry:

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by gimp » 10 Jun 2018, 04:11

Are humans naturally monogamous?
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by kuchitsu » 10 Jun 2018, 12:36

No, I think the standard expectation that you should completely devote yourself to one partner is highly unrealistic and it can easily lead to insecurities, deception, and eventually broken relationships. It's nice and romantic, but that's not how humans generally work. We flourish when we have a lot of freedom in who we choose to interact with and nobody can control us too much. The idealistic "I want you to be MINE" is usually painted as something so wonderful, but I feel like it's a rather sickening egoistical thing if you really think about it. Lifetime commitments make some sense when survival is the main priority as they can be a good guarantee of much needed stability, but in many parts of the world this isn't the case anymore and we really should carefully analyze traditions such as this one. Of course this is very difficult to discuss since monogamy is so ingrained into our culture, stories, and everything. Just questioning it makes me seriously uncomfortable, like my core values are in danger of being shattered. But that's all the more reason to scrutinize it.

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by Tigro » 11 Jun 2018, 22:18

kuchitsu wrote:
10 Jun 2018, 12:36
We flourish when we have a lot of freedom... ...and nobody can control us too much.
Imo this is so not true.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by gimp » 12 Jun 2018, 01:58

I have read something somewhere that our past love is behind us, our future love yet to come, but today's love must be earned. It means that you cannot truly make a commitment that you will love someone forever, you can never truly know that you will always be loved by the other or expect the other person to always be someone lovable. Love is in the moment and day to day, it is possible you may love someone day to day for your entire life, but many marriages are miserable because you cannot make a contract of love. It creats an expectation of the other and dependency on another for your own personal happiness. Like kunochi, it is hard for me to admit, but i believe future society will not be monogomous.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by pawq » 12 Jun 2018, 02:53

There's nothing to believe here or not, it's just random speculation pulled out of ass (that the society will not be monogamous in the future). Whether it's good in principle (works well in our societies) is another thing.

Notice that monogamy is not unique to any particular society, it is nearly universal. I'm sure there are a lot of reasons why our societies evolved this way. Think of children, above all. If both parents at some point decide to gtfo, what happens to the kids? Kids need stability and attachment when growing up, and it seems to me that that would be a lot more difficult to ensure in an environment when everybody fucks everybody.

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

Post by gimp » 12 Jun 2018, 03:01

i enjoy speculating out of ass :)
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