What are you doing with your life?

Discuss, argue, whine, talk but not about Elma.

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Hosp
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Hosp » 16 Jul 2018, 00:04

sounds good Tigro imo)
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by ArZeNiK » 16 Jul 2018, 08:31

I thought I could post here too, even though i am only 14 so no really lifish life yet.
8-ball wrote:
2 Jan 2013, 20:37
How's life? What are you doing right now? What do you plan to do tomorrow, in a year, in 10 years?
Are you happy? Content? Could be better?
Where was Elma in your life a year or 5 years ago and where is it now?
1. Life is meh.
2. Rn I am spending my 3-month long school break, mostly in front of the computer. I almost never go outside, mb averagely once in 2 days, that is only norm walking too. I live an unhealthy lifestyle, and I know that.
3. Tomorrow? Dunno, maybe the same. In a year, I plan on losing weight, getting more fit, and getting oke grades (8-10/10) in school. In 10 years, I plan on having probably finished university, getting a norm job, and maybe some family formation in the meantime.
4. Atm I kinda am bc got into school I wanted, and that there is no school now.
5. Not really.
6. Definitely. I could weigh at least 10kg less that I am now, for example. Atm I'm some 171-173 cms and 79kg, mostly fat.
7. A year ago there was no really elma in my life, maybe casually played some externals or rarely internals in Belma offline. 5 years ago I probably didn't even have Belma, just asually played some ints, no real hoyling there. Now it occupies a big part in my life, and maybe that should be changed.
8. I know this isn't a question, but in 1 year the place that elma occupies in my life will be probably reduced to an extent so it doesn't greatly interfere wth my life, just maybe sitting down for one hour or two for some relaxation after a hard day or smth.
Btw, if in some 5 years I won't be lautaing or this post will be dead, someone pls still remind me to post here, maybe life will change then.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Tigro » 2 Sep 2018, 23:45

So today I moved to Bratislava.

To be honest, moving and going away from a safe space into the completely different and unknown city was a big challenge for me. I had (and kinda still have) a lot of fear. But things are fine here so far. Next days/weeks I'm gonna get some job and keep the master's thesis rolling.

Wish me luck.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by John » 24 Feb 2019, 19:39

Feeling stagnant and have been doing so for quite some time. Now I've taken about a month off from work, from march to april, and will be going to Sri Lanka on the 28th of march to solo backpack. Don't know yet if I will stay in Sri Lanka all the time or if I will go somewhere else. So far I've only booked a one way ticket over there but need some sort of a return ticket booked before boarding the plane (for visa reasons). We'll see what happens.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by umiz » 24 Feb 2019, 21:03

John wrote:
24 Feb 2019, 19:39
Feeling stagnant and have been doing so for quite some time. Now I've taken about a month off from work, from march to april, and will be going to Sri Lanka on the 28th of march to solo backpack. Don't know yet if I will stay in Sri Lanka all the time or if I will go somewhere else. So far I've only booked a one way ticket over there but need some sort of a return ticket booked before boarding the plane (for visa reasons). We'll see what happens.
Thats brave! I hope you will take some pictures over there. You are great photographer!

My life is much about kids. I have two of 'em. Two boys 3 and 1 years old. It's quite nice! Alot of work but seeing them makes me happy.
My work in the woods is going well, still I dream about being an author and painter for full time. We will see what happens. I like to dream.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Bludek » 25 Feb 2019, 10:53

moved into an apartment with gf. Never lived with a chick before (2 years w/ a friend, before that w/ parents). Will be interesting first few weeks until we settle properly. is fun, tho
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Lousku » 4 Mar 2019, 16:36

Mainly trying to be a better person socially. Some time ago I gave up all hope of doing anything societally significant with my life, which has been liberating. I'd just like to focus more on having a more positive impact on people around me, and of course trying to be content enough to not kill myself. Of course having a sikly privileged life and support from parents helps.

I often get into an impulsive hothead mode where I blow small arguments out of proportion and just generally act antisocial. Usually I regret these. Other times I'm chill and friendly, but not often enough. There doesn't seem to be any clear trigger for either of these. While I'm in the positive mode, it feels inevitable that I'll fall back the other way soon enough, and I don't know how to prevent that.

I've been trying to pay more attention on mood, so that I can be more aware of its effects. For example if I'm anxious about some specific problem, I can remind myself that this disorder is blowing it out of proportion and very likely a "sober" mind wouldn't be panicking about it.

As for concrete doings, a year ago I got the opportunity to move to my grandparents' old house in the countryside to play drums without bothering anyone. Last summer I grew potatoes here with aeroponics, kind of trendy tech. I don't know about the future of our company, but there are a few possible paths that might be profitable or useful for developing countries, tho yes it sounds megasilly =). In the winter I've been playing csgo with mans and banging drums. Chill.
then again i don't know anything
maybe easier not to think abouut alöl things thought than not things thought ... or something..=?

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by pawq » 4 Mar 2019, 23:05

Lousku wrote:
4 Mar 2019, 16:36
Mainly trying to be a better person socially. Some time ago I gave up all hope of doing anything societally significant with my life, which has been liberating. I'd just like to focus more on having a more positive impact on people around me, and of course trying to be content enough to not kill myself. Of course having a sikly privileged life and support from parents helps.

I often get into an impulsive hothead mode where I blow small arguments out of proportion and just generally act antisocial. Usually I regret these. Other times I'm chill and friendly, but not often enough. There doesn't seem to be any clear trigger for either of these. While I'm in the positive mode, it feels inevitable that I'll fall back the other way soon enough, and I don't know how to prevent that.

I've been trying to pay more attention on mood, so that I can be more aware of its effects. For example if I'm anxious about some specific problem, I can remind myself that this disorder is blowing it out of proportion and very likely a "sober" mind wouldn't be panicking about it.
Huge, huge HUGE kudos for this. A lot of it is actually aligned pretty well with what I've been focusing on myself with in the last months or so. Will maybe elaborate on it one day but one thing that I also noticed is that consciously deciding not to be obsessed (or even to not care "too" much) about ambition-related stuff was very liberating. Would really like to go out for a bear with you right now!

And growing potatoes with an innovative method that might be useful in developing countries does not sound silly at all, fingers crossed it somehow works out for you!

PS, re "I gave up all hope of doing anything societally significant with my life"; I think this is actually an extremely important statement. Important in that it's not true. There's hardly anything more societally significant than "having a more positive impact on people around" you!!! Remember that! Let's all remember it :)

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Lousku » 5 Mar 2019, 03:09

pawq wrote:
4 Mar 2019, 23:05
A lot of it is actually aligned pretty well with what I've been focusing on myself with in the last months or so.
Ah nice! Plees do elaborate sometime.
pawq wrote:
4 Mar 2019, 23:05
And growing potatoes with an innovative method that might be useful in developing countries does not sound silly at all, fingers crossed it somehow works out for you!
Maybe I shouldn't have posted about the damn potatoes here cause I can't share any details yet. I still think the short version sounds superdumb. But thanks. =D
pawq wrote:
4 Mar 2019, 23:05
There's hardly anything more societally significant than "having a more positive impact on people around" you!!!
I guess by "societally significant" I meant getting an education and a full time job. My role in this company is totally replaceable and so far I've only worked low hours in the summer, so it doesn't feel like I'm pulling my weight in this world. But I agree totally, being a friend is already significant.
then again i don't know anything
maybe easier not to think abouut alöl things thought than not things thought ... or something..=?

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by teajay » 10 May 2019, 10:56

Yesterday I decided to check on the current status of the Moposite and the WR's and I was astonished with Warm Up. I still can't figure out how that is possible. I also dove into the history article by Abula and my vanity was very pleased to find myself mentioned and displayed more than once even. To pay back all this effort you guys made in my everlasting absence, I hereby offer you only more of my vanity by telling how my life has changed since December 2016. I've always liked your stories of your real life, perhaps someone enjoys reading about mine. :wink2:
teajay wrote:
30 Dec 2016, 12:02
In December I started out with a new job in our [radio broadcasting ensembles] company on the accountancy devision alongside my other job and by February I will be leaving the stage job and start working in the office exclusively. Then will also be the time to go back to working 4 days a week and having more time for my studies and hobbies: I like to play the guitar still, much of it with the Rocksmith game.
Since then, I have changed to another job again. I now work as a policy officer for the management, taking care of mundane tasks but also chipping in with advise here and there. I see it as a meaningful step in a career towards a higher, preferably management position in the cultural sector here in the Netherlands. I've also found a good division between the working and private life, by working 24 hours a week there and 4 to 8 hours a week for my side job as a tax consultant and bookkeeper. I am also still studying fiscality, but only on the level of attending classes and limiting the preparations to a bare minimum.

In 2016, I was still living in a small home of 37m² with my girlfriend. We actually survived three full years in that hell hole, until we managed to buy a 70m² one-level home with two bedrooms and the same amount of space in garden in the back and a small strip in the front. We are very happy with this find, 5 minutes walk from the train station, 10 minutes away from the centre of Utrecht and 45 minutes of commute time on my bicycle.

I have had only some minor setbacks in my life. Sure, I was a lonely kid at times as a teenager, but don't we all go through that phase? What I mean to say, is that my story may seem that I am spoiled, as I do not have to fight with the demons that some people have to fight with. You never know what the future brings, but as of yet, my life has been amazingly free of despair and negativity. I realise that I am lucky in that respect and I could only wish others the same amount of carelessness.

Just to illustrate that not everything in my life consists of happiness and safe landings, I would like to elaborate on my attempt to break into my own home in 2014, when I broke my heelbone quite severely and was warned prior to the operation that I would never be able to run again. I was stuck in a wheelchair for a full month and walking with clutches another two. It was my own fault, ofcourse, but an unhappy event nonetheless.

Eventhough I was quickly getting used to the idea of not being able to run anymore, I ignore the forecast and slowly tried running again. It took a change of footwear and lots of patience, but after a few years I was getting back to my old level of running at pace of 5 minutes per kilometre, with a trail running half marathon in 2017 in 1h45m37s (Yes, I'm proud of that). My left foot still is not in the shape it used to be, but I somehow found a lot of perseverance and grit in the whole incident. In 2018 I completed my own, organised in private, Iron Man (3.8km swim, 180km cycle, 42.2km run) in 25 hours on my heavy Filibus bicycle: https://images.app.goo.gl/21vyuykZ4edpA2fKA. The taste of the victory of completion felt so good, but the suffering so bad, that I decided that this was the summit of what I could achieve.

And ofcourse, only a little while later I decided to try to complete a double Iron Man this summer. I wouldn't exactly call myself a sportsperson, but I do train quite a bit and try to cycle, jog, swim, and stroll about 2 hours a day. And I feel with that amount of working out I could have a shot at this ridiculous goal of swimming 7.6 km's, cycling 360 km's (on an almost adequate bike this time: https://www.decathlon.nl/p/stadsfiets-v ... 77&c=BLAUW) and completing the trinity of hell with 84.4 km's of running.

I also still play the guitar and jam and gig with my musicologist friends occasionally. All in all my life has been great and I still feel Elma was a wonderful chapter in that, a hobby club with friends from abroad that offered a different perspective than the mainstream at school. It was Elma that thought me computer skills and some English skills and it was Elma that brought me on a road trip to the colder parts of Europe. Perhaps it was Elma that prevented me from exercising regularly and picking up the guitar more often, but those hobbies came back later on with a vengeance and a hoÿling spirit that only Elma could've taught me.

Thank you once again for being there, Moposite, Mopolauta, #across and EOL, and all you guys who partook in it. And best of luck to those who still partake in it. You have my blessings. :beer:

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by ArZeNiK » 6 Nov 2019, 23:14

ArZeNiK wrote:
16 Jul 2018, 08:31
I thought I could post here too, even though i am only 14 so no really lifish life yet.
8-ball wrote:
2 Jan 2013, 20:37
How's life? What are you doing right now? What do you plan to do tomorrow, in a year, in 10 years?
Are you happy? Content? Could be better?
Where was Elma in your life a year or 5 years ago and where is it now?
1. Life is meh.
2. Rn I am spending my 3-month long school break, mostly in front of the computer. I almost never go outside, mb averagely once in 2 days, that is only norm walking too. I live an unhealthy lifestyle, and I know that.
3. Tomorrow? Dunno, maybe the same. In a year, I plan on losing weight, getting more fit, and getting oke grades (8-10/10) in school. In 10 years, I plan on having probably finished university, getting a norm job, and maybe some family formation in the meantime.
4. Atm I kinda am bc got into school I wanted, and that there is no school now.
5. Not really.
6. Definitely. I could weigh at least 10kg less that I am now, for example. Atm I'm some 171-173 cms and 79kg, mostly fat.
7. A year ago there was no really elma in my life, maybe casually played some externals or rarely internals in Belma offline. 5 years ago I probably didn't even have Belma, just asually played some ints, no real hoyling there. Now it occupies a big part in my life, and maybe that should be changed.
8. I know this isn't a question, but in 1 year the place that elma occupies in my life will be probably reduced to an extent so it doesn't greatly interfere wth my life, just maybe sitting down for one hour or two for some relaxation after a hard day or smth.
Btw, if in some 5 years I won't be lautaing or this post will be dead, someone pls still remind me to post here, maybe life will change then.
wow i forgot about this oops
i mean my max limit was 5y but still there is stuff to say
1. currently life is pretty sucky because how much my mental state sucks - much worse than when i originally wrote this post as to say even tho it wasnt that good even back then
2. procrastinating my sleep and necroing lauta topics with my unnecessary comments
3. tomorrow? try and get earlier sleep.
in a year? get somewhat better, improve my grade to how they were again, and get a partner
in 10 years? same as previous post
4. happy? no
5. content? i'm too irresponsible to bring anything useful out of myself into the surface world
6. could be better? i think yes, by a lot. in response to my prev post i lost about 20kg since then but now i look like a fucking skinny bitch with no real body
7. 1 year ago? i just reentered eol after a some months hiatus i think and started hoyling ints like crazy (which resulted in 41->39tt 5 months later
5 year ago? same as previous post
8. yeah the reduction i forecasted in my previous post kinda worked so maybe i should maintain this elma in my life status
if have any other questions pls ask ill try to answer
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Abula » 10 Nov 2019, 20:32

Hi, I want to share a few personal things as I feel something big might be happening now. At least I'm going to New Zealand, Singapore and Vietnam in December and got a scary book recommendation from my boss ("Non-violent communicating"). My apologies to who I have insulted in the past (or in the future...)

I also got banned in Tinder after adding "a good joke" to my bio (in Finnish): "I make nationalist propaganda" while doing my one the most recent articles (https://palsta.pulu.org/en/99-the-best- ... ot-finland - Bahamas beat Finland)

Writing the Elma article teached me - at least I thought so - some deeper things in life and the times of our generation in this world. But now one and half year later I think I went a bit too far in my analysis so I will rewrite some parts of the final chapters. Anyway, Elma is a super cool mini civilization/culture - it must be one of the coolest things I will ever experience in this life.

After the article was ready in May 2018 I thought I've done my share and started to look at my new life as a potentiality what else could be done. I've been lucky enough to remain in pretty good health although I had to stop my number one hobby, running, after my knees started to hurt too much. Too much running, too much weight, too much stress. Actually that was quite a struggle to find new hobbies that don't require legs nor computer because I already sit way too much on computer at work and at home when writing articles and researching next trip etc.

So I started to swim. And using computer on bed (got my first Macbook 3.5y ago which is quite good device to use in different positions). And watched 120 hours of Tour de France while lying on bed. And started regular massages (2h per month) (*). And bought random things in eBay because of boredom. And some more destructing things. But it's getting better ... well, the situation at work is uncomfortable but at least I can run 30 mins already. My current physical condition is good although - I just can't run as much as I was used to - maybe it's some strange mental block. For example I swam 39 km last month + other all-time high personal records. I'm höyling my real life sport records :) Would be mega fun to able to cycle some legendary Tour de France stages one day while visiting small towns in France, Italy, Spain but that requires lots of good things happening and it's not possible for me in near future.

Another challenge in life for me at the moment is living solo which makes me sometimes feel lonely when other times I feel very privileged to be free to do whatever I want - well, at least I'm free to try to do whatever I want. Many things I fail with first but that is what it takes to learn.

In my new post-Elma life I've asked myself what makes me happy and what motivates me. I try to set goals and have a vision because that gives me strength to struggle with daily challenges. At the moment I focus on training, writing articles and researching world. Next big step could be making art, love or business. I also hope to be able to bicycle the legendary Tour de France stages one day. The small towns in France, Italy and Spain are usually very nice places to stay a few nights. Eat local cuisine, drink a bot..a few glasses of wine and prepare for the next day's exercise. UNESCO World Heritage Sites are also usually great places to visit - often they have educational purpose too. I don't want to collect country points but learn more. I also want to do some Elma updates next year.

Some good tips that I saw in comments of one Yle column (a Finnish "BBC"):

* Stand up straight with your shoulders back
* Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
* Make friends with people who want the best for you
* Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
* Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
* Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
* Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
* Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie
* Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't
* Be precise in your speech
* Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
* Pet a cat when you see one

I had never got around well with cats but after reading this a few months ago I saw a cat on a street, went down first time in my life because of a cat, invited it and we got along with! Purr (**)

*) Massage heals physically, socially and you got to hear some interesting things if you find a good practicer, and touch of other human being has some magic
**) I read now that purr doesn't always indicate positive things (https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/ne ... d=11888388) but at least it was positive experience to me!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by pawq » 11 Nov 2019, 01:20

Sounds like lots going on in your life indeed, good luck with everything!

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Madness » 12 Nov 2019, 23:32

Work and sleep.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Abula » 8 Feb 2020, 14:48

Survived from the trip. Still no salary rise though. I should be writing the travel report but I'm organizing my computer files. More fun. Time to archive lots of Elma directories and clean the current situation. I'm moving to Macbook world as my primary machine because it's better to use on sofa but I'll leave the previous computer dedicated to Elma. Balázs emailed. Also made some love with young ladies. Not sure anymore if life is better in relationship or solo. Main focus is on spartan lifestyle now and trying to get in good shape because I want to live long.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by 8-ball » 8 Feb 2020, 16:13

Abula wrote:
10 Nov 2019, 20:32
Some good tips that I saw in comments of one Yle column (a Finnish "BBC"):

* Stand up straight with your shoulders back
* Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
* Make friends with people who want the best for you
* Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
* Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
* Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
* Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
* Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie
* Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't
* Be precise in your speech
* Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
* Pet a cat when you see one
Those were the chapters from Jordan Peterson's book 12 Rules for Life, I reckon you'd enjoy it.


As for me I'm moving to Riga this month to be closer to better work opportunities and to my girlfriend of 4 months. On our second date I felt that I'm gonna marry her one day and every following day I feel stronger about that. When you know, you know, I guess? Funny, never believed in soulmates or that sort of thing but then this happened and well... this has to be it. But we're not rushing anything, just enjoying every moment together to the fullest and taking the time to grow together and develop this thing at a healthy pace. Already booked summer vacation/road trip to Croatia with her, we're going to Modem festival. Other than that, work is challenging, trying to branch out from full stack web development into DevOps. Also gonna go to the gym together with the gf after a year of fooling around at home, gotta take it more seriously for better results. Also trying to read more, missed my goal of 20 books last year by a little, want to hit it this year. Growth is hard but I have all the support and motivation I need, so couldn't be happier.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Abula » 8 Feb 2020, 19:29

Thanks 8-ball, looks good material. Added it to my personal gift-to-myself list which I'll consult after getting under certain kg levels like 93 kg: new Hoka One One shoes, 92 kg: 12 Rules in Life, 91 kg: very good restaurant, 90 kg: maybe next Lonely Planet etc. getting better when closer to summer and less weight. Master goal is to get under 80 kg and stay there. Let's see if I can do it this time. No more compromises with your health. But bohemian lifestyle is nice too. Spartan or bohemian? How to combine them?

Also nice to hear some good news! I wish you all the good! The (western) world has too much misery ... I should read less news. But it's a fun fact that I just found a single photo in some random directory while cleaning up my recent years files and that was a photo taken by you when we are driving to FEM17. Stini and pawq with us. Life is a journey.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by pawq » 9 Feb 2020, 14:14

Abula wrote:
8 Feb 2020, 19:29
But it's a fun fact that I just found a single photo in some random directory while cleaning up my recent years files and that was a photo taken by you when we are driving to FEM17. Stini and pawq with us. Life is a journey.
Awww :') Sorry for my awkwardness there, it was my first time ever meeting more than 1 kuski at once so I was pretty anxious, but it was a very memorable feeling and ride :)

It's really good to hear so many mans are doing good things with lives here, drinking and eating less, working out more, quitting smoking, etc. Hope everyone keeps it up and ends up being happier!

I'm reading some book on health and nutrition atm, and while it's maybe not the best book ever, I think it's already had some impact on my thinking and eating. I think my main problem in life atm is getting angry a lot (so many things to get angry about!!!), so I'm trying to work on that...

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by kuchitsu » 9 Feb 2020, 14:19

A bit confused about life, its point, etc. It seems like wanting things is good for me because it gives me motivation to work on myself so I can get where I want, but once I actually get where I want there is no magical feeling like "NOW life is finally great!", just a feeling of sudden emptiness and meaninglessness of it all. Then I have to invent a new goal to distract myself from that feeling and give some meaning to this weird existence. I think being in love was probably the best distraction so far since it was an immensely powerful feeling. So it kind of seems like I always want to be somewhere else, like I'm constantly running away from myself. Or maybe inventing one goal after another is what life is about since being content with what you have would result in stagnation I guess... But still there is obviously something wrong with me since at nights, when I can't distract my mind with books/work/talking/studying/etc, I get this feeling of uneasiness about life and then I can't sleep for like an hour. So recently I've been trying to live more in the moment, to be grateful for everything I have, to learn to love myself unconditionally and be at peace with my thoughts instead of trying to avoid them, etc (btw it's funny how when I was younger such phrases sounded super super "gay" to me, yet now I'm using them myself all the time). But I'm not sure if that's doable since many great writers and philosophers (VERY smart peeps) seemed to struggle with this until their death, so what chance do I have? Then again, in a way this is comforting as well: if even the most incredible people in the world suffer like this, it's okay for me to suffer and I don't need to make a big deal out of it. And I guess life is still good since I'm making progress in work, in human relationships, in learning about the world and so on, and I'm surrounded by stuff I can really appreciate. Nowadays I can sometimes simply look at a patch of grass and be amazed by its beauty and complexity, and suddenly feel love for the world and everything. Perhaps this is actually all I ever needed (or even more) and I shouldn't feel like my life is "defective" somehow, I don't know. They say it's all about the attitude after all... I also should probably focus less on thinking about my life and more on, you know, actually living it. Like maybe occasionally it would be actually nice to just play some game and enjoy it for what it is instead of criticising myself for wasting time and so on. Also communication seems like a great way to distract myself from the feeling of emptiness since talking for long periods of time is rather tiring for me and often leaves me with no energy to ponder about life. But I don't like having this need to distract myself from the feeling of emptiness, I think I would rather learn to live with it and embrace it if possible. Dunno, it's all kinda confusing... Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my consciousness for a couple of weeks and try simply existing as an animal unaware of past and future. This endless thought process gets tiring after a while, and even when sleeping you can get dreams and stuff so it's not like a complete shutdown. Oh well, in a hundred years we're all gonna be dead and resting anyway (hopefully Elon Musk doesn't invent quantum computer immortality or some shit), so maybe I don't need to think about shutting down yet and should just appreciate this opportunity to live. Sorry for a poorly organised text, I just feel like having no paragraphs gives a much more accurate representation of what's happening in my mind on a constant basis lol.

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by zebra » 12 Feb 2020, 08:51

Abula wrote:
8 Feb 2020, 19:29
Thanks 8-ball, looks good material. Added it to my personal gift-to-myself list which I'll consult after getting under certain kg levels like 93 kg: new Hoka One One shoes, 92 kg: 12 Rules in Life, 91 kg: very good restaurant, 90 kg: maybe next Lonely Planet etc. getting better when closer to summer and less weight. Master goal is to get under 80 kg and stay there. Let's see if I can do it this time. No more compromises with your health. But bohemian lifestyle is nice too. Spartan or bohemian? How to combine them?
Good luck for your project :) I'm having same kind of project. My weight was 88 kg 2 years ago, now it's 78 kg. My goal is 69, let's see if I can make it by the end of year 2021. My strategy has been to lose weight 0,1 kg in a week and it seems to be good pace for me. My methods have been to eat very healthy (salad lunch, fruits) and go jogging if I'm not under the weekly limit. If I'm under the weekly limit, I can eat a bit more freely.

About my family, I have two sons now (and a wife). They keep me active... :)
A winner of 4 GAA's (mc2 included), winner of mkup206, and a proud member of team TAP.
Play uni levels: http://koti.mbnet.fi/zebra/uni.html
Homepage: http://koti.mbnet.fi/zebra/elma.html

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by skint0r » 26 Feb 2020, 22:30

I'm also update life progress:

Been pretty much nolif0r loser entire life up until recently, since I messed up my education and dropped out of school before finishing anything even before university. Years went by without doing much of anything, and the only remotely normal work type of thing I did was around when I was 20 and did civil service instead of military, where I worked for a bit over a year. After that I kept on doing nothing, more or less. Eventually felt pretty shitty about life in general, dealt with depression and social anxiety and mostly just staying cooped up inside like hermit, hated having to go out for anything and avoided it as much as possible. I wasn't even getting any welfare or anything because I didn't want to deal with all the hassle of it and needing to potentially do anything.

At some point I didn't really see much reason to continue with life or see any goal in sight, and just tried to take my mind off it and nolife with computer and ignore it, because obviously best way to do it. Now and then I was thinking maybe I should try get some help, but was worried about potentially going to doctor and him just being like "just get yourself together nab" and be mega negative, and then that would sort of end my last chance so to speak, so I just avoided the potential road block so in my mind I still sort of had a last resort of some sort to think about.

So from like 21-34 this was more or less my state of mind and life. I guess eventually I somehow managed to pull myself up and dare to do something around spring of 2018. It was pretty nerve-wracking, but I just quickly made an appointment with my doctor. It helped that they had an online form to make an appointment and that I didn't have to talk with anyone, because I'm not sure if there's anything I hated (and maybe still do) than to have to make phone calls, specially such "official" type of stuff.

I never actually needed any doctor appointment until now, so I had no idea how my doctor was like at all, but once I made that appointment I was sort of locked in, because I also hate to not show up to stuff or deal with awkwardness of missing appointments (I guess thanks anxiety), so it meant I felt forced to go and just get through with the whole thing. Luckily it turns out my doctor happens to be a super nice guy, and once there it somehow wasn't too hard to just say how my situation was like and that I wanted to get a referral to a psychologist or something and get some help, and just sort of wondered what to do going forward and that I wasn't sure how to deal with stuff. First he talked through my issues so he had some idea what it was all about and I guess to ascertain whether I indeed actually needed that help or not, but thankfully it was not an issue. He quickly set me up with a referral, but it had a few months of a waiting list, but I didn't feel much sense of urgency with it all personally so it was ok for me. He then got me a doctor's note thing so I was declared sick 100%, and then get set up for welfare stuff.

That also took a little while, but they also pay back for all the months you waited from when you signed up for it, so I got a nice amount of money eventually when I got it after a few months. Since I was in this situation with not having worked pretty much ever and being pretty old and most likely needing quite a bit of help to get anywhere, I got on this "program" I guess you can call it, that was meant for people that needed a bit more than just be told to apply for jobs etc. And since I was declared 100% sick and getting therapy (eventually), I didn't need to do much for now since it would be handled further once I had started and got through more therapy and seeing where I was at after some time.

Until I started with that, my doctor set up some appointments every other couple of weeks or so, just to check in and have someone to talk to meanwhile if I needed it. I guess we didn't get too much into stuff and maybe wasn't necessary, but at least appreciated the offer and having the option, so I went anyway.

Eventually I got accept to therapy and got my first appointment to that. That first day was super awkward and pretty nervous feeling, but once in there in that one on one situation, again somehow way more easier to start talking about things than I expected. I guess it helps having a therapist as well that knows how to get started with all that. My therapist specialized in cognitive behavior therapy, which sort of means facing things and getting exposure, doing stuff, rather than just sit together and talk forever. That made me a little nervous, because even going to this appointment felt hard enough, but I tried to keep an open mind.

The first session was sort of an exploratory one, and I answered a questionnaire type of thing to get some idea of a diagnosis. I think in the end it was some mix of social anxiety and schizoid personality disorder that was my "official" thing on paper, not that it matters too much but.

Already the second session (I think it was), things were moving forward. When I showed up, my therapist said she had set up a meeting with someone else to join us. They have this new-ish program here that has been proven to work well elsewhere called IPS, and one of the workers were going to talk with me during our meeting. Initially I felt super anxious because it was sort of sprung on me and the idea of like searching for a job and doing stuff with interviews and being out and about with people made me feel super nervous. In hindsight I guess it was good in the long run. Despite the shitty feeling in the moment, I guess you get over it and somehow things aren't as bad as you make them up to be in your head (who knew).

I had more sessions, and honestly the therapy itself didn't feel like it gave me much help, since they were all essentially my therapist telling me to go out and do stuff and blabla, and either I sort of do it or I don't, and it's all up to me in the end.

However parallell to the therapy, I now had this IPS thing where I got set up with a worker who I met up with, and they did a little questionnaire with my experiences, what I would want to work with if I could choose anything I wanted to, and to give me resume/CV, no matter how lackluster it might be. I mentioned I liked computer stuff and programming, but that I wasn't really sure I had the skills to do anything with that, but that ended up being one thing we worked from in the beginning, seeing if anything was possible there.

I made a little better resume, despite not having much to put on it, trying to highlight some of the stuff I knew at the time, which was basically just some Javascript and super basic React knowledge. I applied to a few places, as it was sort of my goal to apply to 5 different places and get back to my case worker. I got some replies, but for the most part it was them wondering about the huge gap in my resume and wanting to know more, and it felt hard/weird to answer it at the time. Coincidentally, my case worker had previously had her personal business website made by this company that she still had some contact with, and she sent my resume to them.

The extra thing with this IPS project is that depending on your situation and how much help you might need, they can offer to pay 50% of your salary for the company that hires you, so it can be a bit attractive for them in certain situations. The company she sent my resume off to showed some interests for whatever reasons, and I got an interview set up with them in a week or so after that, which was October 9th 2018.

I was a little bit nervous, but somehow not too much all things considered. They were currently waiting to get back in their office from some renovation, so we had a meeting at a nearby cafe/bar place, and my case worker was also present in the interview. I imagined it might be a little weird and feel like some child needing help at interview, but whatever. She was pretty good at her job and being forward with stuff, so she took care of all that stuff with saying it was part of this program that she would be present and taking some pressure off.

The interview seemed to go pretty well, I was able to sort of connect with the two people I talked with, who were both owners and the CEO and tech lead of the company. Was lucky in that there were some similarities in the things we liked and were into and they were both pretty nerdy and into metal so it made talking about things outside of the "main" interview pretty easy and helped create some kind of connection I guess.

The day after I heard back they were interested and offered me the job. I got a contract after some time and signed it, imagining this seemed pretty good and then I wouldn't have to search for something else and keep getting rejections. It would be good just to get the experience from it if nothing else. I then started working there as a junior developer in November 2018. The first weeks were pretty anxiety filled, suddenly going from nolife situation to full-time work, 8 to 16 each day, and in a new place with unknown people, not even knowing if I would be able to do the job and just end up being a total disappointment.

This starting to get pretty long so gonna do a little TLDR about rest of that time, but essentially it was me feeling super insecure in the beginning and finding my place there, dealing with programming in real world and deadlines which I took super serious and made me lose sleep certain nights, enough to where I felt super burned out and broke down in therapy and got sleeping pills to get some sleep. I then learnt these "serious" deadlines were not so serious after all and learned to deal with the perceived pressure of the job better.

Got more confident in my abilities and what I could do, while also learning tons from my tech lead who I was lucky really loved new technologies and trying out things, so I got exposure to lots of new things I probably wouldn't have learned other places. After working there some months, we had follow up conversations with my case worker (who I would still work with for the first half year there) and my bosses, and seemingly I was pretty good at my job and they were really happy and said I was a gem in the rough so to speak, and they were excited to have me move up over the years and become a bigger part of the company etc. Took it all with a grain of salt, but still nice to hear anyway.

In March 2019 we hired some new junior developers, one who ended up quitting after a couple of months, and one who still works there to this day. I didn't think I would have much in common with her, but she has now turned into one of my few real life friends, and I think we kept each other sane during our time there together, as things sort of became frustrating over time.

While they are super nice people, I guess they aren't the best bosses. It ended up being a lot of micro-management, and our tech lead not helping/guiding us as much and being distracted with all their other ventures they were doing with other companies, and I sort of took over the role of being the teacher, which was one of the reasons I connected with my other co-worker more I guess. So maybe there was something good coming out of that. I realized I really loved helping others and teaching code, and it was the favorite thing in my job, that I wish I could do more of.

Late 2019 I realized I was a bit fed up with the super shitty pay, knowing it was so below the average for even beginner junior developers, and knowing that they were happy with me and that I probably ended up knowing a bit more than the average junior, yet not really getting anything out of that. I was also generally unhappy with how sloppy things felt with the projects, and I decided to be more open to linkedin requests from these annoying recruiters that I so far had just ignored. Ended up going on three interviews with companies that were interested in my resume. It was pretty night and day going on those interviews, from my first one in my first company. Already having a job made me maybe give less of a fuck, and feeling more confident in my skills and what I knew etc made me pretty much totally nailing all the interviews. Not often I feel very braggy about anything, but I think I got interviews down somehow. Who knew. The two first companies wanted to go forward with a second interview, but I wasn't really interested in either of them.

I did however feel better about the third company, and after a second technical interview during late December 2019, they offered me a contract a few days later. Nearly doubled my salary, tons of benefits, bigger place, and everything seemed great. It was still a bit of a hard decision, but I was faced with a hiring deadline for Christmas, and had to have the awkward resignation talk the day before our Christmas break. They seemed really down about losing me, enough to were my first talk with them about quitting made them sort of realize how things had gone wrong in the company and they wanted to change stuff (one of the other problems is their empty words, despite good intentions, so I didn't really believe things would change anyway). I decided to take the job offer, and I had my first day in the new company February 3rd this year.

The first week was ok, despite not being able to really do much, but wasn't expect much from the initial weeks anyway, and there was also no expectations of me even during the first couple of months. But the more weeks went by, the less at home I felt in this new job, but I was still thinking maybe it was just the first week(s) jitters, and that once I got more into the project and got to know the people and place, it would be better. Yet this feeling never went away. And this last weekend I sent a message to my product manager boss that I was going to quit, and on Monday we had a talk about it. We never really found a good reason for why I wanted to quit. I actually really liked all the people there, the culture seemed great, and everything was better than my old job in so many ways, not to mention the great pay. But it was hard to ignore that gut feeling, and going into work every day just dreading the day, trying to put up with it. I realized I don't want to keep doing that forever and just hope things get better (maybe they would, but who knows). Rather try out something else and feel happy. I guess I'm not too worried either, because I hadn't even applied for any of these jobs, yet it seems easy to get interviews and find a new job. Maybe I'll eat those words, but I feel pretty confident that finding a new job will be super easy. However now I'm not sure what it is I should be looking out for in a job, since I couldn't figure out why I wasn't feeling the other one. Hopefully I find a cool new place eventually. Right now I'm just gonna take some time off and relax a couple of weeks before I start searching again. Feeling a little burned out from working as well anyway.

Besides that, November last year I also started going to the gym, and have been going pretty regularly since then and really loving seeing the improvements and I love weightlifting. These last weeks I have been bad and not gone at all, but it's mostly been because of all this stress of my new job and not being happy with it. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to gymming again now.

Also going out and doing more things, concerts, events, meetups and whatnot.

So TLDR; been ultra loser for 1.5 decade now, went to therapy, got job as developer, started going to gym, feeling more good about self and confident. Still have some issues of course, but they aren't quite as severe as they used to be.

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by kuchitsu » 26 Feb 2020, 23:03

This sounds very inspiring skint! And please get back to the gym as soon as possible so you don't end up relapsing while you're taking a short break from work. These things can be dangerous like that, so it's very important for you to maintain some discipline.

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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Bludek » 27 Feb 2020, 12:35

great read, I am happy for you, skint!


After reading it, I thought about my life and after all I am kinda sad I did not continue my IT career (I studied IT university and then I dropped after 2 years and I finished diff uni eventually). Now a lot of people around me have interesting IT jobs and they are greatly paid on top of that. I do not have below avarage paying job, but I am still a bit envious, coz those jobs seem like stuff I would be very able to do, but they get paid more than I get now.

But I guess I cannot complain otherwise. I work in a typical 9-5 job for a bit over 3 years now, which is fine I guess, I have amazing GF, I am not ill, I have friends, so it is all good. I would love to shift my carrer, though, but finding a different job seems like extremely hard task. I am kinda specialized in one field (postal law) and it would be hard to learn new shit. idk, maybe if I'd tried I'd see more ways out of this job, but I don't even know where else to apply for a job.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by 8-ball » 28 Feb 2020, 10:30

Nice read skint.

From my experience I can say you want to figure out what kind of work (or even specific type of project) would be meaningful to you personally (ofc making use of the professional skillset you're developing for yourself). Screen companies based on whether they can offer you space for that type of work plus growth opportunities. Higher pay is not gonna make you happier than more meaningful work, beyond a certain threshold. And with experience opening you more doors you can have both. Shop around, take your time. You're in demand so you can negotiate - use competing offers to bump up the pay in the place you really want to work at. Make lasting network connections everywhere you can, they'll open doors for you too, but don't get too attached to a specific workplace - if you do this right you want to interview around every year (or even more often) and move to a place better accommodating for your goals (and better pay ofc) every 1-2 years. But even that can feel far too long if you don't give a shit about the work you have to do.
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