Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by milagros » 13 Sep 2019, 15:35

pawq wrote:
13 Sep 2019, 11:42
gimp wrote:
12 Sep 2019, 18:30
Be a provider and have social power, the attractive women will then come to you and you dont need to do anything.
oh god...
First thing you need to do, when you want to get good at anything (girls, science, business, sport, ..), is to accept that things are the way they are, not the way you want them to be. The best way is to start with generalizations, which match most of your data points, and then eventually understand the exceptions. You might of course eventually conclude, the juice is not worth to squeeze. The most stupid thing to do is to deny the reality.
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by pawq » 13 Sep 2019, 16:25

There are generalisations where you simply average out some stuff to look at the general trend. np. But there also cases when generalising removes differences that are actually key. Saying "men like big boobs" gently implies that they all do, which could then motivate all women to want big boobs and get implants. Which is obviously bad, not because not all men like big boobs, but also because women suffer enough from body issues already. Saying "climb the social ladder to get attractive women to want you" like gimp did gently implies that all women are attracted to men with social power, so all men should aim for that. And that ignores a million other layers of life and relationships, for example that by forcing yourself to strive for social success you may diverge from your own internal priorities, and then find a woman aligned with social success, but not with your own feelings.

Relationship advice based on a single person's experiences and opinions is generally not a good idea. Every person is different, and such advice should take that into account very strongly, like for example ribot's here:
ribot wrote:
9 Sep 2019, 14:33
4. Be yourself but from above practice learn to be confident in just being who you are. No crush is worth it if they don't like who you really are.

edit after mila post:
Deny the reality? The reality is that by achieving social success you'd have higher chances of attracting women who are attracted to social success. Nothing more, nothing less. If achieving social success and being in a relationship with someone who prioritises social success are your things, then go for it bro. But giving general advice to everyone "strive for social success for better love/sex life" is extremely misleading, and I'd go as far as saying that it's potentially harmful for people to whom it simply doesn't apply.

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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by milagros » 13 Sep 2019, 17:08

pawq wrote:
13 Sep 2019, 16:25
But giving general advice to everyone "strive for social success for better love/sex life" is extremely misleading, and I'd go as far as saying that it's potentially harmful for people to whom it simply doesn't apply.
You misunderstood the term social success. It does not mean you become the president of Poland. It means "social success" within certain social group. I does apply to everyone and it means exactly what ribot wrote: girls will like you for who you are.
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by pawq » 13 Sep 2019, 19:53

Well, let me stand corrected, gimp used the term "social power". Doesn't seem to me like he means being liked and respected within a social group, but maybe I'm wrong :?

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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by milagros » 14 Sep 2019, 00:11

pawq wrote:
13 Sep 2019, 19:53
Well, let me stand corrected, gimp used the term "social power". Doesn't seem to me like he means being liked and respected within a social group, but maybe I'm wrong :?
it means exactly that
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by gimp » 14 Sep 2019, 18:50

The nature of my post was from a cave-man like perspective. We want someone who we can plant our seed in and they will successfully bear our children, it is very much a generalization, i thought that was a given :)
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 15 Sep 2019, 07:39

gimp wrote:
14 Sep 2019, 18:50
The nature of my post was from a cave-man like perspective. We want someone who we can plant our seed in and they will successfully bear our children, it is very much a generalization, i thought that was a given :)
news flash from the 21st century: women do NOT exist for the sole purpose of childbirth and child management anymore

personally, i myself in a relationship would look more for an emotional bond rather than a physical one. but maybe that's just because i'm 16 and i've never fucked before. who knows
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by pawq » 15 Sep 2019, 11:39

ArZeNiK wrote:
15 Sep 2019, 07:39
personally, i myself in a relationship would look more for an emotional bond rather than a physical one. but maybe that's just because i'm 16 and i've never fucked before. who knows
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 15 Sep 2019, 13:56

pawq wrote:
15 Sep 2019, 11:39
Why don't we have both?
ofc i didnt mean no physical bond at all. it's just that it's the lesser dominant requirement of a relationship from my prespective
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by pawq » 15 Sep 2019, 20:21

Suar, a relationship that's all about fucking wouldn't make much sense in the long-term for normal people. But I think a purely non-physical relationship would be a bit hardik too, for me impsy for example :P

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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 10 Oct 2019, 15:57

and even so, regarding physical attractivity, i dont look at things that many ppl would look at (sizeful breasts and behind). i look more @face instead if anything
also all short girls are automatically cute to me. that's not necessarily a romantic attraction though, mostly just an "i want to hug the shit out of you" type of attraction (might sound a bit idiotic or even wrong idk)
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by Ruben » 10 Oct 2019, 17:16

I agree face is very. For me I've realised the most important thing purely in terms of physical attraction is probably the nose.
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 10 Oct 2019, 17:21

Ruben wrote:
10 Oct 2019, 17:16
I agree face is very. For me I've realised the most important thing purely in terms of physical attraction is probably the nose.
to me nose not dominantly important unless very unusual looking, i instead focus on the overall harmonics of all facial components
also there's a lot of literary and other examples of being lost in the other's eyes/being hypnotized by their gaze osv, this hasnt happened to me either yet even though i've been attracted to multiple people so far. maybe either my feelings were not too deep enough and only true love has this thing, or its just a really unique set of eyes that has this thing
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by pawq » 11 Oct 2019, 09:17

ArZeNiK wrote:
10 Oct 2019, 15:57
and even so, regarding physical attractivity, i dont look at things that many ppl would look at (sizeful breasts and behind). i look more @face instead if anything
also all short girls are automatically cute to me. that's not necessarily a romantic attraction though, mostly just an "i want to hug the shit out of you" type of attraction (might sound a bit idiotic or even wrong idk)
agree with all :D

Ruben wrote:
10 Oct 2019, 17:16
I agree face is very. For me I've realised the most important thing purely in terms of physical attraction is probably the nose.
Ermagherd, almost every time I say that I think some actress or somebody is pretty/cute/whatever when watching something with mom, she'll say that that girl has a big/small/skewed/pointy/flat/??? nose. NO SHE'S PERFECT.

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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 16 Nov 2019, 18:09

original poster back at it

i confessed to my latest crush yesterday, was kinda forced into the situation (not by her). turns out she's homosexual (i just thought she was just embracing the lesbian culture, wouldn't have been the first case i've encountered), but told me we can still maintain our pretty close platonic friendship that we've had before and also she told me i'm "brave" and she's "proud of me"
still one of the best outcomes out of those that i had in my mind i think, could have been way worse
i think i've already fallen out of love with her (wow english)

also recently i told one of my best friends how i don't look at breasts and behind and similar "sexy" stuff in terms of long-term attraction and he just thought i was insane and my hormones don't function well or idk
he's one of the most "innocent" guys i know
kinda makes me think about other people but also myself at the same time
i wouldn't say my generation/age is fucked i'm just not fitting in quite well

oh and also i don't i'll be confessing to any crushes anytime soon because it's hard to endure physically, i felt quite close to having a heart attack and was having oscillations even shortly after
but then again it will depend on the situation
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by kuchitsu » 16 Nov 2019, 23:01

ArZeNiK wrote:
16 Nov 2019, 18:09
told me we can still maintain our pretty close platonic friendship that we've had before
tell us how that works out in a few months...

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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 17 Nov 2019, 08:37

kuchitsu wrote:
16 Nov 2019, 23:01
tell us how that works out in a few months...
remind me and i will
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by ArZeNiK » 13 Oct 2021, 16:54

kuchitsu wrote:
16 Nov 2019, 23:01
ArZeNiK wrote:
16 Nov 2019, 18:09
told me we can still maintain our pretty close platonic friendship that we've had before
tell us how that works out in a few months...
still friends!
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Re: Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

Post by Tigro » 21 Oct 2021, 11:45

If I am counting correctly, I had 5 significant crushes so far.

1. Kinda childhood crush, lasted from when I was like 13 maybe, until high school. She was the best looking, most talented and kindest of all the girls I knew at that time. I did all that stuff you were discussing about in this tropic - going out with her, talking a lot, etc. etc., we were really good close friends, I'd say. Funny thing is, that I should have confessed much sooner than I did. Because when I did, it was like a month after someone else did. Now those two are married. I am very good friends with both of them tho, the dude is really a great guy. Anyway, after I failed, I realized we probably wouldn't be a good fit for marriage etc.

2. When I went to uni, I suddenly started crushing about a girl back in my town for some reason. Whenever I went back from CZE to my hometown, I automatically texted her if she wants to go out to hang out etc., and she almost always did. After a half a year or so I confessed and we were dating for almost a year, but it was really tough since we realized we couldn't make our personalities and different emphases align. So after that we realized we don't want to hurt each other anymore so we broke up. Took me around 2 weeks to be completely fine again, which isn't that much, really.

3. Crush from the town I was born in (we moved away when I was 4), so I used to occasionally see her when we visited my family during holidays. She was WAY out of anyone's league. 10/10, smart and funny AF, pleasure to be around. I loved being around her, and when I came to the town, we always made a group of 4-5 people to go out for a day or two and be together. She started dating a guy from this group short after one summer, when we had a great time. Worked for some time, then they broke up and later she found a different guy, (who I never met) and who by the sound of it seemed like a really cool dude, but there was this one thing about him that made it all problematic, so after dating him for some time she had to let go and she was ultra devastated. After that she started recovering and seemed like she could maybe try another guy, so I planned a visit for New year's eve where we met at a small party and after that I asked her to talk to me for a sec and I said that I liked her very much and asked if she would consider dating me. It was bound to be long-distance for the foreseeable future, but she agreed to regular calls to see if we could work as a couple, but she openly said that she still isn't fully recovered from the previous relationship and it might create some confusion and emotional instability, but that was okay with me. We agreed to be kinda 'reserved' for the time being, so that none of us would look into any other relationships until we figure each other out. We were calling each other regularly for about half a year, met a few times, went for walks, coffee, etc. We had a set up time where she was supposed to say if she wants to be F or GF, so we met, but she said she wasn't on the level she needed to be (don't really know if it was something with me or with her), so she couldn't really go further into that relationship. I just said that it's all good and that I am still very interested in her and if she ever changes her mind or wants to try again or something, she could come and talk about it. We then, obviously, stopped communicating that intensely, just a message here and there. Later on I discovered that she had found a new boyfriend. That hurt a lot, to be honest. He was a relatively young man, but he was already widowed with two very young sons. She used to tutor the boys in maths, as she is a maths/piano teacher, and she and the guy kinda fell in love and she saw that the boys needed a mom and all that. They married shortly after. This was really really painful, but at least I know that the boys are in good hands and have a new loving mother. This girl was really something. I wish her all the best.

4. New very cool girl, came very shortly after girl 3 said we couldn't date at the time. This one was very different than 3, but still had everything I valued and appreciated on a girl. I developed a crush almost instantly and every time she was in the room with me I felt elevated. I didn't have many opportunities to be with her alone though, and then corona hit and I was locked down for over half a year and unable to communicate with her that much, and maybe I just failed at my strategy but I didn't want to confess her through a Zoom call or an sms, so I figured I'd wait until we meet irl and I would make my move. Well, my friend was faster. He saw what I saw and made a move and was successful, even though she resisted a lot at first, but he was just relentless. I still die a little when I am in the room with her, and it's even worse when they are together as a couple next to me and they are having fun and a good time and everyone else complimenting how they fit together and how cute they are and I just want to cry. The same day I heard about them dating was the same day girl no.3 got married. That was a really bad week for me. Really, really bad.

5. New girl, who is very pretty, but don't know her that much. Corona made everything more difficult here as well. I didn't have crush on her at first, but the more time I spend with her (alone), the more I start seeing how cool she is and realized I think about her a lot more that I was ready to admit. Going to the movies tomorrow. I will probably make my move sooner than later, we will see how that goes.
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