Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write here

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Tigro »

I've started dating a girl several days ago.
She is currently in the UK doing some au-pair job, which really sucks. But I guess it can be a good slow start for us, so we don't take this in a hurry. She is one of the most friendly and cheerful people I have known, can keep your spirit up in any circumstances, and is brutally honest (which I like).
Brief story for those who are at least a bit interested:
We have first met about 3.5 years ago, when she attended one of the english camps that our youth group was making, and stayed after, we became friends (as a group of around 20-25 people) and there is a custom that guys are walking girls home if it is late night. I've been doing this with many different girls (with no real intention to hit on them), just because we were friends and could talk while walking home. But after a few walks I started to like her pretty much, but was orka dating. Then after she finished high school she started to think about going abroad for a year or so, just to see the world and get rid of parents for a while. Then I realised that it could be the time to at least ask her for a date, and I was waiting over one month to get an answer (and it was a day before her flight to London) that we could possibly try it, but let's wait to see what will England do to her (and me) and then we would see.
Many many skype calls and chats later:
When she came home for a week, we went out somewhere and talked a bit and said "let's just try this" so we are dating now and I am overflowing with endorfins atm.
HER (she likes all kinds of animals. And people).
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Mats »

Nice. Guess it's you in her hand, before she kissed you?
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Bludek »

any updates, guys?

I am with the girl I wrote about 4 months ago. Everything is better than I've imagined :) Rly wanna live with her, I hope it'll happen in mid 2016 or even sooner. Not rly psy now, but soon.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Ruben »

Just over 2 years with my girlfriend. We now live together =D
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Igge »

Cool mans)

I'm still with the same Brazilian girl)) After visiting her for 2 weeks in China in June, she visited me in Stockholm in august, and just recently I spent 2 weeks in Brazil. Although it sucks to live so far apart, I still can't ignore the fact that within the past year I've visited 4 different continents with her; 3 of which I had never been to before! It's really cool to explore the world with someone you love.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by 8-ball »

7 months with a new one. Never been with anyone this cool before. She plays Fallout and AoE2 ffs :D
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

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1 year now, best gf ever
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Mats »

I'm having 2 issues with the whole gf thing: 1. She likes me to much, or 2. I like her to much. Hard to balance this, how do you get around that problem?
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Orcc »

To me it sounds like your real issues are 1) You like her too little or 2) she likes you too little. Keep looking
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by gimp »

Mats maybe if I understand correctly the problem is a balance of power. Often there is a perception that the one who decides to care more ends up being more vulnerable to get hurt, and the one who cares less has more power over the relationship. Consequently the man may not try to care as much which sends off a message to her to not care as much, and then you have a deadly cycle which will end an almost great relationship. Care and be loving and be confident with it, she will respond with ten times the love if you stay genuine and confident, make your effort and care transparent with how you feel towards her, avoid any games that she may initiate and avoid any insecurity that you are caring more than she is, she will notice you are something special and she will be the one caring for you far more. Almost is the saddest word in existence.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by teajay »

Recently celebrated five years. Some minor downtime, some fights here and there, but we always ended up with a stronger tie than before. She's a christian, and I am not. We live together since April, and there'll be a marriage when we will have found the money to accompany it with a good party. Probably children, but not too soon.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

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Soon together 6 years, married 4 years (just a necessity to make things easier). Next month we are going to file papers for her to become a citizen of finland. Ups and downs but overall everything been fine.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Bludek »

The girl I wrote about like 7 months ago broke up with me. I am not devastated like I was after my prev relationship, but everything was so amazing... I don't think I will find as good girl as her ever again.
But I guess she was out of my league - just finished lawyer university, high aspirations for job, rich parents (both doctors), very very (like srsly) smart, very cute...

And I am just sitting at comp all day, watching youtube, sometimes EOL, sometimes WoW, no job, finishing masters degree (but sub-par university), lazy, procrastinator...

You get the idea, she wasn't happy with the way I live my life and she didn't want to wait until I change. Maybe I see her a bit too perfect and myself a bit too shit (we dated for 7 months after all), but I can't blame her. It all makes sense on paper.
I just hope I will find someone soon. But I am not good at it :( I hate being single.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by niN »

Bludek wrote:The girl I wrote about like 7 months ago broke up with me. I am not devastated like I was after my prev relationship, but everything was so amazing... I don't think I will find as good girl as her ever again.
But I guess she was out of my league - just finished lawyer university, high aspirations for job, rich parents (both doctors), very very (like srsly) smart, very cute...

And I am just sitting at comp all day, watching youtube, sometimes EOL, sometimes WoW, no job, finishing masters degree (but sub-par university), lazy, procrastinator...

You get the idea, she wasn't happy with the way I live my life and she didn't want to wait until I change. Maybe I see her a bit too perfect and myself a bit too shit (we dated for 7 months after all), but I can't blame her. It all makes sense on paper.
I just hope I will find someone soon. But I am not good at it :( I hate being single.
Sorry to hear bro!
Reading your post I have to ask; why didn't this motivate you to change a few of your habits into something more productive that would make her stay? Or was the problem not in fact your habits but something else?
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Bludek »

I changed a lot in a good way. Some of my friends even told me that out of nowhere.

The habits were the problem, but it is a slow process. And as I wrote, she just wasn't THAT into me to make her stay. I've tried rly hard for her, but maybe not hard enough or maybe I've realized it a bit too late.

Thx for kind words
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by ile »

tfw no gf
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Tm »

Sorry to hear that Bludek :/
The basis for any change in yourself, I think, should be for yourself first. In the end, only this kind of behaviour is appreciated by significant others; changing for someone else might be pleasing in the short term, but after a while motivation to change further as well as respect/appreciation from others just wanes dry.

Good luck in future man!
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Post by gimp »

The only problem you have is you don't give yourself enough credit. She is too smart for you, too good looking, too rich, too ambitious? She sounds like a real bi***! No disrespect.... But c'mon now, be you and do what you want, and never think you aren't good enough for someone, girls will sense that more than anything else. Best thing you can do now is pick yourself up by your boot straps and just 'do you' without any sense of inferiority to anybody.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

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Got a new Grill, a weber:

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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Lukazz »

Good topic-choice to share this with us Polarix!
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Ruben »

Lukazz wrote:Good topic-choice to share this with us Polarix!
Don't judge, people can like whoever/whatever they want. If you're not careful you won't be invited to the wedding.
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Gave girl a carrot. Now she's my girlfriend.
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What a straightforward euphemism there, eheh. Also, gz.
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Orcc »

Been together with gf for four months now and also moving together with her in two weeks. That'll be the first time living with a girl for me, so we will see how it goes. As long as I get the share of my own time with laptop things should be fine
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Tigro »

After about a year with gf we broke up; we realised there are too many differences we couldn't come through so we decided not to torment ourselves and each other anymore. No hard feelings were involved, it came peacefully and very friendly. Though there is a bit of sadness, it came with a big relief on both sides.
During the dating time we never slept together nor even kissed. (weird, huh? Then talk about nofap.)
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by 8-ball »

wat
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wut
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Post by Bludek »

I'll ask, if u don't mind: religious reasons or not?(for no physical activity)
edit: never heard of such relationship
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Post by Bjenn »

I wouldn't call that dating Tigro.

Me and my gf broke up some month ago, being together for 1 year and 7 months, it was also a big relief due to differences, still friends.
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Post by Xiphias »

I also dated some girls for many years whom I never kissed or slept with by that logic.. though I refer to them as my friends :teeth: nah just kidding, impossible to say anything about your relationship without context.
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Post by Madness »

wot
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Post by Tigro »

Bludek wrote:I'll ask, if u don't mind: religious reasons or not?(for no physical activity)
religious reasons?
No sex: Yes.
No kissing: No.
Xiphias wrote: impossible to say anything about your relationship without context.
Basically it is not that amazingly hard to restrain yourself. No sex may sound as a challenge, but it is definitely possible. Plus I don't view it in a way that "my religion forbids me having sex before marriage", but because I believe it's the right thing to do. And now I see it as a win that we succeeded in that and can be ok with each other.
No kissing was meant to help us focus on things other than ourselves, since we both wanted to put our efforts elsewhere (we both serve in church, got school/work etc.) which required us to be focused there fully.

And no sex no kiss definitely wasn't the cause of our breakup; there really isn't any correlation whatsoever.
Bjenn wrote:I wouldn't call that dating Tigro.
Thanks for input.
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Post by Ruben »

I don't understand how you can have a romantic relationship without sex. To each his own, I guess, but I do think you are missing out :)
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Post by 8-ball »

no sex before marriage is probably among the top causes of divorce
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Post by gimp »

i would argue that a marriage that went through the whole "no premarital sex" phase first would have a lower divorce rate. marriages that are bound through religion or that are arranged have far lower divorce rates. I don't agree with no premarital sex as a rule for myself, but if both parties would prefer that then who am I to tell them that's dumb
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Post by Xiphias »

Well you could say that it goes both ways. If everything is about sex then you are eventually going to have a bad time, because the sexy time will be less in periods later on, at least in some relationships.
But I think that at least learning to have sex is healthy as it can be very awkward and maybe even frightening for some in the beginning, which can cause great frustration.
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Post by gimp »

After doing some research I have confirmed what I already thought, and that is that not having premarital sex makes marriage better. Basically sex is all about perception, and when people wait before marriage to have sex, they perceive it as way better with each other for far longer than those who fuck all the time before sex. my research also confirms that divorce rates go up when people have sex before marriage, this is especially more true for women.

http://thefederalist.com/2016/06/06/rep ... rital-sex/

This article shows a graph that shows how women in the 80s, 90s, and 00s who have 0 premarital sex partners (that means they never even had sex with person they were about to marry) jump from a 5% divorce rate to a 20% divorce rate after the woman has even had one sexual partner. As women have more premarital sex partners there is a linear relationship with divorce rate going up as well.

This article confirms the same thing: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/2 ... 98440.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/th ... better-sex

This article explains a study of a psychologist who "studied 2,035 married people ranging in age from 19 to 71, married from less than six months to more than 20 years. Dr. Busby claimed that not only did the couples who waited until after marriage to have sex rate their sex life better, they reported that their marriages were more stable and satisfying, and their communication was better than couples who had not waited." He has a lot of information on how religion strengthens the marriage as well.

I have also seen a study that showed that those who are atheist have a 14% higher chance of divorce, among higher chances of infidelity.

Don't get me wrong, I am a strong proponent of agnostic and atheism. But where religion lacks in their ability to discover truth, religions like Christianity, Buddhism, Catholic, Mormons, etc. make up for in their ability to create a good culture among each other where when they marry and follow the moral code that has been taught to them they typically live happier lives with one another. I am envious of the bonds my very religious grandparents have for example, which honestly would not exist without their religion, but I am not envious of their cognitive dissonance with believing in fairy tale like literature. in the end I choose statistically unhappier truth over blissful ignorance.

EDIT: something I have always wondered about is Buddhists, they are technically atheists, however, they also get to have the benefits of the culture within religion, might be a good option for someone like me.
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Post by Ruben »

gimp wrote:EDIT: something I have always wondered about is Buddhists, they are technically atheists, however, they also get to have the benefits of the culture within religion, might be a good option for someone like me.
I like buddhism, because it is different from most other religions. Whereas almost every other religion look out and up towards dieties to tell them what to do (because they can't tell what's right or wrong on their own, I guess), buddhism is about looking into yourself and figuring out who you are. It's about people, and living good lives, not boring dieties and hellfire. Nor is it about money and power like the catholic church.
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Post by Sunshine »

people not having premarital sex are generally highly religious and view divorce as a sin so they might stay in unhappy marriages which imo at least partially explains lower rates of divorce
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Post by Madness »

My personal research revealed that people who never get married have zero divorce rate and are the happiest.
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Post by gimp »

Ruben wrote:
gimp wrote:EDIT: something I have always wondered about is Buddhists, they are technically atheists, however, they also get to have the benefits of the culture within religion, might be a good option for someone like me.
I like buddhism, because it is different from most other religions. Whereas almost every other religion look out and up towards dieties to tell them what to do (because they can't tell what's right or wrong on their own, I guess), buddhism is about looking into yourself and figuring out who you are. It's about people, and living good lives, not boring dieties and hellfire. Nor is it about money and power like the catholic church.
Right that's what I am saying we need to all convert to buddhism asap and live more enlightening lives.
jappe2 wrote:people not having premarital sex are generally highly religious and view divorce as a sin so they might stay in unhappy marriages which imo at least partially explains lower rates of divorce
This is a good point and something I was thinking of as well, however, the surveys showed higher satisfaction rates within the marriages that didn't have premarital sex. In other words they have shown that they are happier and don't divorce. but who knows if they had the fear of God within them when filling out those surveys. I doubt it was on their mind.

madness wrote:My personal research revealed that people who never get married have zero divorce rate and are the happiest.
I would have to agree with you on the zero divorce rate! If you are capable of being serious though I would like to hear your personal research/stories on how being a bachelor is more fulfilling than getting married. Or if you ever feel lonely and wonder if you are missing out on some type of long term companionship. maybe you have good reasons to never get married, it is something I think about pretty regularly.
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Post by Bjenn »

Trying out Tinder after a friend tipped me about it.
First felt like an app for giving false hope because the first girl I got a match with didn't even reply, and then deleted the matching after a few days, she was supersupercute though so she probably get a match for every guy she swipes to the right ;P

But 2nd girl actually wrote back, very interesting and a bit scary, I'm totally new to online dating.
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Post by 8-ball »

I met my gf of over a year in Tinder ;)
Just don't pretend to be like something you're not and you just might stumble upon someone who's into you the way you are.
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Post by Bjenn »

8-ball wrote:I met my gf of over a year in Tinder ;)
Just don't pretend to be like something you're not and you just might stumble upon someone who's into you the way you are.
That's cool 8balle.
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Post by Bludek »

I am w/ new gf for a bit more than 2 months now. She's quite tall (180 cm), I am 191 tho, so it is very cool and kinda convenient. She's a physiotherapist, so she's able to do medical massages and to find those find painful spots on my neck and on my back and relax them. Najs skill imo.
It is hard not to compare, so I have to say she's not that much of a brainiac as prev gf, but she is very kind and I like her appearance, obv.
I did not meet her online as prev gf and it feels better somehow. Maybe coz we have at least very few of the same friends (or should i say acquaintances), but that makes that nice little bit of a difference. Or maybe it is the thing, that other ppl ask me "how did you meet her?" sometimes. If no one would ask I would not care at all in prev relationship, probably.
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Post by Grace »

Closing in on 5 years with my girl now. :beer:
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Post by zebra »

Got married 3 weeks ago. Too bad I missed FEM :) But otherwise everything is good :)
A winner of 4 GAA's (mc2 included), winner of mkup206, and a proud member of team TAP.
Play uni levels: http://koti.mbnet.fi/zebra/uni.html
Homepage: http://koti.mbnet.fi/zebra/elma.html
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Sunshine
Kuski
Posts: 413
Joined: 21 Feb 2016, 17:59

Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Sunshine »

congratulations. but where was my invitation?
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Tigro
Kuski
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Joined: 6 Jan 2009, 13:08
Location: Srdcom vychodniar
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Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Tigro »

pics or didn't happen.
Image
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Mats
39mins club
Posts: 1183
Joined: 5 Apr 2007, 12:30
Location: Norway, Sandnes

Re: Girlfriends .... lost one , got new one, trouble, write

Post by Mats »

Gratz Zebra.
Tigro wrote:pics or didn't happen.
here he is before the wedding started:
Image
TT:39.59.86|| AvgTT:41.49.24 || Multi TT:27:43:82 || Team [TR]
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