What are you doing with your life?

Discuss, argue, whine, talk but not about Elma.

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Hosp
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Hosp »

sounds good Tigro imo)
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by ArZeNiK »

I thought I could post here too, even though i am only 14 so no really lifish life yet.
8-ball wrote: 2 Jan 2013, 20:37 How's life? What are you doing right now? What do you plan to do tomorrow, in a year, in 10 years?
Are you happy? Content? Could be better?
Where was Elma in your life a year or 5 years ago and where is it now?
1. Life is meh.
2. Rn I am spending my 3-month long school break, mostly in front of the computer. I almost never go outside, mb averagely once in 2 days, that is only norm walking too. I live an unhealthy lifestyle, and I know that.
3. Tomorrow? Dunno, maybe the same. In a year, I plan on losing weight, getting more fit, and getting oke grades (8-10/10) in school. In 10 years, I plan on having probably finished university, getting a norm job, and maybe some family formation in the meantime.
4. Atm I kinda am bc got into school I wanted, and that there is no school now.
5. Not really.
6. Definitely. I could weigh at least 10kg less that I am now, for example. Atm I'm some 171-173 cms and 79kg, mostly fat.
7. A year ago there was no really elma in my life, maybe casually played some externals or rarely internals in Belma offline. 5 years ago I probably didn't even have Belma, just asually played some ints, no real hoyling there. Now it occupies a big part in my life, and maybe that should be changed.
8. I know this isn't a question, but in 1 year the place that elma occupies in my life will be probably reduced to an extent so it doesn't greatly interfere wth my life, just maybe sitting down for one hour or two for some relaxation after a hard day or smth.
Btw, if in some 5 years I won't be lautaing or this post will be dead, someone pls still remind me to post here, maybe life will change then.
hi im arzenik :>
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Tigro »

So today I moved to Bratislava.

To be honest, moving and going away from a safe space into the completely different and unknown city was a big challenge for me. I had (and kinda still have) a lot of fear. But things are fine here so far. Next days/weeks I'm gonna get some job and keep the master's thesis rolling.

Wish me luck.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by John »

Feeling stagnant and have been doing so for quite some time. Now I've taken about a month off from work, from march to april, and will be going to Sri Lanka on the 28th of march to solo backpack. Don't know yet if I will stay in Sri Lanka all the time or if I will go somewhere else. So far I've only booked a one way ticket over there but need some sort of a return ticket booked before boarding the plane (for visa reasons). We'll see what happens.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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John wrote: 24 Feb 2019, 19:39 Feeling stagnant and have been doing so for quite some time. Now I've taken about a month off from work, from march to april, and will be going to Sri Lanka on the 28th of march to solo backpack. Don't know yet if I will stay in Sri Lanka all the time or if I will go somewhere else. So far I've only booked a one way ticket over there but need some sort of a return ticket booked before boarding the plane (for visa reasons). We'll see what happens.
Thats brave! I hope you will take some pictures over there. You are great photographer!

My life is much about kids. I have two of 'em. Two boys 3 and 1 years old. It's quite nice! Alot of work but seeing them makes me happy.
My work in the woods is going well, still I dream about being an author and painter for full time. We will see what happens. I like to dream.
[i cruise, i lev, i live]
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Bludek »

moved into an apartment with gf. Never lived with a chick before (2 years w/ a friend, before that w/ parents). Will be interesting first few weeks until we settle properly. is fun, tho
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Lousku »

Mainly trying to be a better person socially. Some time ago I gave up all hope of doing anything societally significant with my life, which has been liberating. I'd just like to focus more on having a more positive impact on people around me, and of course trying to be content enough to not kill myself. Of course having a sikly privileged life and support from parents helps.

I often get into an impulsive hothead mode where I blow small arguments out of proportion and just generally act antisocial. Usually I regret these. Other times I'm chill and friendly, but not often enough. There doesn't seem to be any clear trigger for either of these. While I'm in the positive mode, it feels inevitable that I'll fall back the other way soon enough, and I don't know how to prevent that.

I've been trying to pay more attention on mood, so that I can be more aware of its effects. For example if I'm anxious about some specific problem, I can remind myself that this disorder is blowing it out of proportion and very likely a "sober" mind wouldn't be panicking about it.

As for concrete doings, a year ago I got the opportunity to move to my grandparents' old house in the countryside to play drums without bothering anyone. Last summer I grew potatoes here with aeroponics, kind of trendy tech. I don't know about the future of our company, but there are a few possible paths that might be profitable or useful for developing countries, tho yes it sounds megasilly =). In the winter I've been playing csgo with mans and banging drums. Chill.
then again i don't know anything
maybe easier not to think abouut alöl things thought than not things thought ... or something..=?
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by pawq »

Lousku wrote: 4 Mar 2019, 16:36 Mainly trying to be a better person socially. Some time ago I gave up all hope of doing anything societally significant with my life, which has been liberating. I'd just like to focus more on having a more positive impact on people around me, and of course trying to be content enough to not kill myself. Of course having a sikly privileged life and support from parents helps.

I often get into an impulsive hothead mode where I blow small arguments out of proportion and just generally act antisocial. Usually I regret these. Other times I'm chill and friendly, but not often enough. There doesn't seem to be any clear trigger for either of these. While I'm in the positive mode, it feels inevitable that I'll fall back the other way soon enough, and I don't know how to prevent that.

I've been trying to pay more attention on mood, so that I can be more aware of its effects. For example if I'm anxious about some specific problem, I can remind myself that this disorder is blowing it out of proportion and very likely a "sober" mind wouldn't be panicking about it.
Huge, huge HUGE kudos for this. A lot of it is actually aligned pretty well with what I've been focusing on myself with in the last months or so. Will maybe elaborate on it one day but one thing that I also noticed is that consciously deciding not to be obsessed (or even to not care "too" much) about ambition-related stuff was very liberating. Would really like to go out for a bear with you right now!

And growing potatoes with an innovative method that might be useful in developing countries does not sound silly at all, fingers crossed it somehow works out for you!

PS, re "I gave up all hope of doing anything societally significant with my life"; I think this is actually an extremely important statement. Important in that it's not true. There's hardly anything more societally significant than "having a more positive impact on people around" you!!! Remember that! Let's all remember it :)
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Lousku »

pawq wrote: 4 Mar 2019, 23:05A lot of it is actually aligned pretty well with what I've been focusing on myself with in the last months or so.
Ah nice! Plees do elaborate sometime.
pawq wrote: 4 Mar 2019, 23:05And growing potatoes with an innovative method that might be useful in developing countries does not sound silly at all, fingers crossed it somehow works out for you!
Maybe I shouldn't have posted about the damn potatoes here cause I can't share any details yet. I still think the short version sounds superdumb. But thanks. =D
pawq wrote: 4 Mar 2019, 23:05There's hardly anything more societally significant than "having a more positive impact on people around" you!!!
I guess by "societally significant" I meant getting an education and a full time job. My role in this company is totally replaceable and so far I've only worked low hours in the summer, so it doesn't feel like I'm pulling my weight in this world. But I agree totally, being a friend is already significant.
then again i don't know anything
maybe easier not to think abouut alöl things thought than not things thought ... or something..=?
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by teajay »

Yesterday I decided to check on the current status of the Moposite and the WR's and I was astonished with Warm Up. I still can't figure out how that is possible. I also dove into the history article by Abula and my vanity was very pleased to find myself mentioned and displayed more than once even. To pay back all this effort you guys made in my everlasting absence, I hereby offer you only more of my vanity by telling how my life has changed since December 2016. I've always liked your stories of your real life, perhaps someone enjoys reading about mine. :wink2:
teajay wrote: 30 Dec 2016, 12:02 In December I started out with a new job in our [radio broadcasting ensembles] company on the accountancy devision alongside my other job and by February I will be leaving the stage job and start working in the office exclusively. Then will also be the time to go back to working 4 days a week and having more time for my studies and hobbies: I like to play the guitar still, much of it with the Rocksmith game.
Since then, I have changed to another job again. I now work as a policy officer for the management, taking care of mundane tasks but also chipping in with advise here and there. I see it as a meaningful step in a career towards a higher, preferably management position in the cultural sector here in the Netherlands. I've also found a good division between the working and private life, by working 24 hours a week there and 4 to 8 hours a week for my side job as a tax consultant and bookkeeper. I am also still studying fiscality, but only on the level of attending classes and limiting the preparations to a bare minimum.

In 2016, I was still living in a small home of 37m² with my girlfriend. We actually survived three full years in that hell hole, until we managed to buy a 70m² one-level home with two bedrooms and the same amount of space in garden in the back and a small strip in the front. We are very happy with this find, 5 minutes walk from the train station, 10 minutes away from the centre of Utrecht and 45 minutes of commute time on my bicycle.

I have had only some minor setbacks in my life. Sure, I was a lonely kid at times as a teenager, but don't we all go through that phase? What I mean to say, is that my story may seem that I am spoiled, as I do not have to fight with the demons that some people have to fight with. You never know what the future brings, but as of yet, my life has been amazingly free of despair and negativity. I realise that I am lucky in that respect and I could only wish others the same amount of carelessness.

Just to illustrate that not everything in my life consists of happiness and safe landings, I would like to elaborate on my attempt to break into my own home in 2014, when I broke my heelbone quite severely and was warned prior to the operation that I would never be able to run again. I was stuck in a wheelchair for a full month and walking with clutches another two. It was my own fault, ofcourse, but an unhappy event nonetheless.

Eventhough I was quickly getting used to the idea of not being able to run anymore, I ignore the forecast and slowly tried running again. It took a change of footwear and lots of patience, but after a few years I was getting back to my old level of running at pace of 5 minutes per kilometre, with a trail running half marathon in 2017 in 1h45m37s (Yes, I'm proud of that). My left foot still is not in the shape it used to be, but I somehow found a lot of perseverance and grit in the whole incident. In 2018 I completed my own, organised in private, Iron Man (3.8km swim, 180km cycle, 42.2km run) in 25 hours on my heavy Filibus bicycle: https://images.app.goo.gl/21vyuykZ4edpA2fKA. The taste of the victory of completion felt so good, but the suffering so bad, that I decided that this was the summit of what I could achieve.

And ofcourse, only a little while later I decided to try to complete a double Iron Man this summer. I wouldn't exactly call myself a sportsperson, but I do train quite a bit and try to cycle, jog, swim, and stroll about 2 hours a day. And I feel with that amount of working out I could have a shot at this ridiculous goal of swimming 7.6 km's, cycling 360 km's (on an almost adequate bike this time: https://www.decathlon.nl/p/stadsfiets-v ... 77&c=BLAUW) and completing the trinity of hell with 84.4 km's of running.

I also still play the guitar and jam and gig with my musicologist friends occasionally. All in all my life has been great and I still feel Elma was a wonderful chapter in that, a hobby club with friends from abroad that offered a different perspective than the mainstream at school. It was Elma that thought me computer skills and some English skills and it was Elma that brought me on a road trip to the colder parts of Europe. Perhaps it was Elma that prevented me from exercising regularly and picking up the guitar more often, but those hobbies came back later on with a vengeance and a hoÿling spirit that only Elma could've taught me.

Thank you once again for being there, Moposite, Mopolauta, #across and EOL, and all you guys who partook in it. And best of luck to those who still partake in it. You have my blessings. :beer:
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by ArZeNiK »

ArZeNiK wrote: 16 Jul 2018, 08:31 I thought I could post here too, even though i am only 14 so no really lifish life yet.
8-ball wrote: 2 Jan 2013, 20:37 How's life? What are you doing right now? What do you plan to do tomorrow, in a year, in 10 years?
Are you happy? Content? Could be better?
Where was Elma in your life a year or 5 years ago and where is it now?
1. Life is meh.
2. Rn I am spending my 3-month long school break, mostly in front of the computer. I almost never go outside, mb averagely once in 2 days, that is only norm walking too. I live an unhealthy lifestyle, and I know that.
3. Tomorrow? Dunno, maybe the same. In a year, I plan on losing weight, getting more fit, and getting oke grades (8-10/10) in school. In 10 years, I plan on having probably finished university, getting a norm job, and maybe some family formation in the meantime.
4. Atm I kinda am bc got into school I wanted, and that there is no school now.
5. Not really.
6. Definitely. I could weigh at least 10kg less that I am now, for example. Atm I'm some 171-173 cms and 79kg, mostly fat.
7. A year ago there was no really elma in my life, maybe casually played some externals or rarely internals in Belma offline. 5 years ago I probably didn't even have Belma, just asually played some ints, no real hoyling there. Now it occupies a big part in my life, and maybe that should be changed.
8. I know this isn't a question, but in 1 year the place that elma occupies in my life will be probably reduced to an extent so it doesn't greatly interfere wth my life, just maybe sitting down for one hour or two for some relaxation after a hard day or smth.
Btw, if in some 5 years I won't be lautaing or this post will be dead, someone pls still remind me to post here, maybe life will change then.
wow i forgot about this oops
i mean my max limit was 5y but still there is stuff to say
1. currently life is pretty sucky because how much my mental state sucks - much worse than when i originally wrote this post as to say even tho it wasnt that good even back then
2. procrastinating my sleep and necroing lauta topics with my unnecessary comments
3. tomorrow? try and get earlier sleep.
in a year? get somewhat better, improve my grade to how they were again, and get a partner
in 10 years? same as previous post
4. happy? no
5. content? i'm too irresponsible to bring anything useful out of myself into the surface world
6. could be better? i think yes, by a lot. in response to my prev post i lost about 20kg since then but now i look like a fucking skinny bitch with no real body
7. 1 year ago? i just reentered eol after a some months hiatus i think and started hoyling ints like crazy (which resulted in 41->39tt 5 months later
5 year ago? same as previous post
8. yeah the reduction i forecasted in my previous post kinda worked so maybe i should maintain this elma in my life status
if have any other questions pls ask ill try to answer
hi im arzenik :>
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Abula »

Hi, I want to share a few personal things as I feel something big might be happening now. At least I'm going to New Zealand, Singapore and Vietnam in December and got a scary book recommendation from my boss ("Non-violent communicating"). My apologies to who I have insulted in the past (or in the future...)

I also got banned in Tinder after adding "a good joke" to my bio (in Finnish): "I make nationalist propaganda" while doing my one the most recent articles (https://palsta.pulu.org/en/99-the-best- ... ot-finland - Bahamas beat Finland)

Writing the Elma article teached me - at least I thought so - some deeper things in life and the times of our generation in this world. But now one and half year later I think I went a bit too far in my analysis so I will rewrite some parts of the final chapters. Anyway, Elma is a super cool mini civilization/culture - it must be one of the coolest things I will ever experience in this life.

After the article was ready in May 2018 I thought I've done my share and started to look at my new life as a potentiality what else could be done. I've been lucky enough to remain in pretty good health although I had to stop my number one hobby, running, after my knees started to hurt too much. Too much running, too much weight, too much stress. Actually that was quite a struggle to find new hobbies that don't require legs nor computer because I already sit way too much on computer at work and at home when writing articles and researching next trip etc.

So I started to swim. And using computer on bed (got my first Macbook 3.5y ago which is quite good device to use in different positions). And watched 120 hours of Tour de France while lying on bed. And started regular massages (2h per month) (*). And bought random things in eBay because of boredom. And some more destructing things. But it's getting better ... well, the situation at work is uncomfortable but at least I can run 30 mins already. My current physical condition is good although - I just can't run as much as I was used to - maybe it's some strange mental block. For example I swam 39 km last month + other all-time high personal records. I'm höyling my real life sport records :) Would be mega fun to able to cycle some legendary Tour de France stages one day while visiting small towns in France, Italy, Spain but that requires lots of good things happening and it's not possible for me in near future.

Another challenge in life for me at the moment is living solo which makes me sometimes feel lonely when other times I feel very privileged to be free to do whatever I want - well, at least I'm free to try to do whatever I want. Many things I fail with first but that is what it takes to learn.

In my new post-Elma life I've asked myself what makes me happy and what motivates me. I try to set goals and have a vision because that gives me strength to struggle with daily challenges. At the moment I focus on training, writing articles and researching world. Next big step could be making art, love or business. I also hope to be able to bicycle the legendary Tour de France stages one day. The small towns in France, Italy and Spain are usually very nice places to stay a few nights. Eat local cuisine, drink a bot..a few glasses of wine and prepare for the next day's exercise. UNESCO World Heritage Sites are also usually great places to visit - often they have educational purpose too. I don't want to collect country points but learn more. I also want to do some Elma updates next year.

Some good tips that I saw in comments of one Yle column (a Finnish "BBC"):

* Stand up straight with your shoulders back
* Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
* Make friends with people who want the best for you
* Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
* Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
* Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
* Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
* Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie
* Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't
* Be precise in your speech
* Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
* Pet a cat when you see one

I had never got around well with cats but after reading this a few months ago I saw a cat on a street, went down first time in my life because of a cat, invited it and we got along with! Purr (**)

*) Massage heals physically, socially and you got to hear some interesting things if you find a good practicer, and touch of other human being has some magic
**) I read now that purr doesn't always indicate positive things (https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/ne ... d=11888388) but at least it was positive experience to me!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by pawq »

Sounds like lots going on in your life indeed, good luck with everything!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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Work and sleep.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Abula »

Survived from the trip. Still no salary rise though. I should be writing the travel report but I'm organizing my computer files. More fun. Time to archive lots of Elma directories and clean the current situation. I'm moving to Macbook world as my primary machine because it's better to use on sofa but I'll leave the previous computer dedicated to Elma. Balázs emailed. Also made some love with young ladies. Not sure anymore if life is better in relationship or solo. Main focus is on spartan lifestyle now and trying to get in good shape because I want to live long.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by 8-ball »

Abula wrote: 10 Nov 2019, 20:32 Some good tips that I saw in comments of one Yle column (a Finnish "BBC"):

* Stand up straight with your shoulders back
* Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
* Make friends with people who want the best for you
* Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
* Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
* Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
* Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
* Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie
* Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't
* Be precise in your speech
* Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
* Pet a cat when you see one
Those were the chapters from Jordan Peterson's book 12 Rules for Life, I reckon you'd enjoy it.


As for me I'm moving to Riga this month to be closer to better work opportunities and to my girlfriend of 4 months. On our second date I felt that I'm gonna marry her one day and every following day I feel stronger about that. When you know, you know, I guess? Funny, never believed in soulmates or that sort of thing but then this happened and well... this has to be it. But we're not rushing anything, just enjoying every moment together to the fullest and taking the time to grow together and develop this thing at a healthy pace. Already booked summer vacation/road trip to Croatia with her, we're going to Modem festival. Other than that, work is challenging, trying to branch out from full stack web development into DevOps. Also gonna go to the gym together with the gf after a year of fooling around at home, gotta take it more seriously for better results. Also trying to read more, missed my goal of 20 books last year by a little, want to hit it this year. Growth is hard but I have all the support and motivation I need, so couldn't be happier.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Abula »

Thanks 8-ball, looks good material. Added it to my personal gift-to-myself list which I'll consult after getting under certain kg levels like 93 kg: new Hoka One One shoes, 92 kg: 12 Rules in Life, 91 kg: very good restaurant, 90 kg: maybe next Lonely Planet etc. getting better when closer to summer and less weight. Master goal is to get under 80 kg and stay there. Let's see if I can do it this time. No more compromises with your health. But bohemian lifestyle is nice too. Spartan or bohemian? How to combine them?

Also nice to hear some good news! I wish you all the good! The (western) world has too much misery ... I should read less news. But it's a fun fact that I just found a single photo in some random directory while cleaning up my recent years files and that was a photo taken by you when we are driving to FEM17. Stini and pawq with us. Life is a journey.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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Abula wrote: 8 Feb 2020, 19:29But it's a fun fact that I just found a single photo in some random directory while cleaning up my recent years files and that was a photo taken by you when we are driving to FEM17. Stini and pawq with us. Life is a journey.
Awww :') Sorry for my awkwardness there, it was my first time ever meeting more than 1 kuski at once so I was pretty anxious, but it was a very memorable feeling and ride :)

It's really good to hear so many mans are doing good things with lives here, drinking and eating less, working out more, quitting smoking, etc. Hope everyone keeps it up and ends up being happier!

I'm reading some book on health and nutrition atm, and while it's maybe not the best book ever, I think it's already had some impact on my thinking and eating. I think my main problem in life atm is getting angry a lot (so many things to get angry about!!!), so I'm trying to work on that...
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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[eh]
Last edited by kuchitsu on 20 Dec 2020, 15:54, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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Abula wrote: 8 Feb 2020, 19:29 Thanks 8-ball, looks good material. Added it to my personal gift-to-myself list which I'll consult after getting under certain kg levels like 93 kg: new Hoka One One shoes, 92 kg: 12 Rules in Life, 91 kg: very good restaurant, 90 kg: maybe next Lonely Planet etc. getting better when closer to summer and less weight. Master goal is to get under 80 kg and stay there. Let's see if I can do it this time. No more compromises with your health. But bohemian lifestyle is nice too. Spartan or bohemian? How to combine them?
Good luck for your project :) I'm having same kind of project. My weight was 88 kg 2 years ago, now it's 78 kg. My goal is 69, let's see if I can make it by the end of year 2021. My strategy has been to lose weight 0,1 kg in a week and it seems to be good pace for me. My methods have been to eat very healthy (salad lunch, fruits) and go jogging if I'm not under the weekly limit. If I'm under the weekly limit, I can eat a bit more freely.

About my family, I have two sons now (and a wife). They keep me active... :)
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by skint0r »

I'm also update life progress:

Been pretty much nolif0r loser entire life up until recently, since I messed up my education and dropped out of school before finishing anything even before university. Years went by without doing much of anything, and the only remotely normal work type of thing I did was around when I was 20 and did civil service instead of military, where I worked for a bit over a year. After that I kept on doing nothing, more or less. Eventually felt pretty shitty about life in general, dealt with depression and social anxiety and mostly just staying cooped up inside like hermit, hated having to go out for anything and avoided it as much as possible. I wasn't even getting any welfare or anything because I didn't want to deal with all the hassle of it and needing to potentially do anything.

At some point I didn't really see much reason to continue with life or see any goal in sight, and just tried to take my mind off it and nolife with computer and ignore it, because obviously best way to do it. Now and then I was thinking maybe I should try get some help, but was worried about potentially going to doctor and him just being like "just get yourself together nab" and be mega negative, and then that would sort of end my last chance so to speak, so I just avoided the potential road block so in my mind I still sort of had a last resort of some sort to think about.

So from like 21-34 this was more or less my state of mind and life. I guess eventually I somehow managed to pull myself up and dare to do something around spring of 2018. It was pretty nerve-wracking, but I just quickly made an appointment with my doctor. It helped that they had an online form to make an appointment and that I didn't have to talk with anyone, because I'm not sure if there's anything I hated (and maybe still do) than to have to make phone calls, specially such "official" type of stuff.

I never actually needed any doctor appointment until now, so I had no idea how my doctor was like at all, but once I made that appointment I was sort of locked in, because I also hate to not show up to stuff or deal with awkwardness of missing appointments (I guess thanks anxiety), so it meant I felt forced to go and just get through with the whole thing. Luckily it turns out my doctor happens to be a super nice guy, and once there it somehow wasn't too hard to just say how my situation was like and that I wanted to get a referral to a psychologist or something and get some help, and just sort of wondered what to do going forward and that I wasn't sure how to deal with stuff. First he talked through my issues so he had some idea what it was all about and I guess to ascertain whether I indeed actually needed that help or not, but thankfully it was not an issue. He quickly set me up with a referral, but it had a few months of a waiting list, but I didn't feel much sense of urgency with it all personally so it was ok for me. He then got me a doctor's note thing so I was declared sick 100%, and then get set up for welfare stuff.

That also took a little while, but they also pay back for all the months you waited from when you signed up for it, so I got a nice amount of money eventually when I got it after a few months. Since I was in this situation with not having worked pretty much ever and being pretty old and most likely needing quite a bit of help to get anywhere, I got on this "program" I guess you can call it, that was meant for people that needed a bit more than just be told to apply for jobs etc. And since I was declared 100% sick and getting therapy (eventually), I didn't need to do much for now since it would be handled further once I had started and got through more therapy and seeing where I was at after some time.

Until I started with that, my doctor set up some appointments every other couple of weeks or so, just to check in and have someone to talk to meanwhile if I needed it. I guess we didn't get too much into stuff and maybe wasn't necessary, but at least appreciated the offer and having the option, so I went anyway.

Eventually I got accept to therapy and got my first appointment to that. That first day was super awkward and pretty nervous feeling, but once in there in that one on one situation, again somehow way more easier to start talking about things than I expected. I guess it helps having a therapist as well that knows how to get started with all that. My therapist specialized in cognitive behavior therapy, which sort of means facing things and getting exposure, doing stuff, rather than just sit together and talk forever. That made me a little nervous, because even going to this appointment felt hard enough, but I tried to keep an open mind.

The first session was sort of an exploratory one, and I answered a questionnaire type of thing to get some idea of a diagnosis. I think in the end it was some mix of social anxiety and schizoid personality disorder that was my "official" thing on paper, not that it matters too much but.

Already the second session (I think it was), things were moving forward. When I showed up, my therapist said she had set up a meeting with someone else to join us. They have this new-ish program here that has been proven to work well elsewhere called IPS, and one of the workers were going to talk with me during our meeting. Initially I felt super anxious because it was sort of sprung on me and the idea of like searching for a job and doing stuff with interviews and being out and about with people made me feel super nervous. In hindsight I guess it was good in the long run. Despite the shitty feeling in the moment, I guess you get over it and somehow things aren't as bad as you make them up to be in your head (who knew).

I had more sessions, and honestly the therapy itself didn't feel like it gave me much help, since they were all essentially my therapist telling me to go out and do stuff and blabla, and either I sort of do it or I don't, and it's all up to me in the end.

However parallell to the therapy, I now had this IPS thing where I got set up with a worker who I met up with, and they did a little questionnaire with my experiences, what I would want to work with if I could choose anything I wanted to, and to give me resume/CV, no matter how lackluster it might be. I mentioned I liked computer stuff and programming, but that I wasn't really sure I had the skills to do anything with that, but that ended up being one thing we worked from in the beginning, seeing if anything was possible there.

I made a little better resume, despite not having much to put on it, trying to highlight some of the stuff I knew at the time, which was basically just some Javascript and super basic React knowledge. I applied to a few places, as it was sort of my goal to apply to 5 different places and get back to my case worker. I got some replies, but for the most part it was them wondering about the huge gap in my resume and wanting to know more, and it felt hard/weird to answer it at the time. Coincidentally, my case worker had previously had her personal business website made by this company that she still had some contact with, and she sent my resume to them.

The extra thing with this IPS project is that depending on your situation and how much help you might need, they can offer to pay 50% of your salary for the company that hires you, so it can be a bit attractive for them in certain situations. The company she sent my resume off to showed some interests for whatever reasons, and I got an interview set up with them in a week or so after that, which was October 9th 2018.

I was a little bit nervous, but somehow not too much all things considered. They were currently waiting to get back in their office from some renovation, so we had a meeting at a nearby cafe/bar place, and my case worker was also present in the interview. I imagined it might be a little weird and feel like some child needing help at interview, but whatever. She was pretty good at her job and being forward with stuff, so she took care of all that stuff with saying it was part of this program that she would be present and taking some pressure off.

The interview seemed to go pretty well, I was able to sort of connect with the two people I talked with, who were both owners and the CEO and tech lead of the company. Was lucky in that there were some similarities in the things we liked and were into and they were both pretty nerdy and into metal so it made talking about things outside of the "main" interview pretty easy and helped create some kind of connection I guess.

The day after I heard back they were interested and offered me the job. I got a contract after some time and signed it, imagining this seemed pretty good and then I wouldn't have to search for something else and keep getting rejections. It would be good just to get the experience from it if nothing else. I then started working there as a junior developer in November 2018. The first weeks were pretty anxiety filled, suddenly going from nolife situation to full-time work, 8 to 16 each day, and in a new place with unknown people, not even knowing if I would be able to do the job and just end up being a total disappointment.

This starting to get pretty long so gonna do a little TLDR about rest of that time, but essentially it was me feeling super insecure in the beginning and finding my place there, dealing with programming in real world and deadlines which I took super serious and made me lose sleep certain nights, enough to where I felt super burned out and broke down in therapy and got sleeping pills to get some sleep. I then learnt these "serious" deadlines were not so serious after all and learned to deal with the perceived pressure of the job better.

Got more confident in my abilities and what I could do, while also learning tons from my tech lead who I was lucky really loved new technologies and trying out things, so I got exposure to lots of new things I probably wouldn't have learned other places. After working there some months, we had follow up conversations with my case worker (who I would still work with for the first half year there) and my bosses, and seemingly I was pretty good at my job and they were really happy and said I was a gem in the rough so to speak, and they were excited to have me move up over the years and become a bigger part of the company etc. Took it all with a grain of salt, but still nice to hear anyway.

In March 2019 we hired some new junior developers, one who ended up quitting after a couple of months, and one who still works there to this day. I didn't think I would have much in common with her, but she has now turned into one of my few real life friends, and I think we kept each other sane during our time there together, as things sort of became frustrating over time.

While they are super nice people, I guess they aren't the best bosses. It ended up being a lot of micro-management, and our tech lead not helping/guiding us as much and being distracted with all their other ventures they were doing with other companies, and I sort of took over the role of being the teacher, which was one of the reasons I connected with my other co-worker more I guess. So maybe there was something good coming out of that. I realized I really loved helping others and teaching code, and it was the favorite thing in my job, that I wish I could do more of.

Late 2019 I realized I was a bit fed up with the super shitty pay, knowing it was so below the average for even beginner junior developers, and knowing that they were happy with me and that I probably ended up knowing a bit more than the average junior, yet not really getting anything out of that. I was also generally unhappy with how sloppy things felt with the projects, and I decided to be more open to linkedin requests from these annoying recruiters that I so far had just ignored. Ended up going on three interviews with companies that were interested in my resume. It was pretty night and day going on those interviews, from my first one in my first company. Already having a job made me maybe give less of a fuck, and feeling more confident in my skills and what I knew etc made me pretty much totally nailing all the interviews. Not often I feel very braggy about anything, but I think I got interviews down somehow. Who knew. The two first companies wanted to go forward with a second interview, but I wasn't really interested in either of them.

I did however feel better about the third company, and after a second technical interview during late December 2019, they offered me a contract a few days later. Nearly doubled my salary, tons of benefits, bigger place, and everything seemed great. It was still a bit of a hard decision, but I was faced with a hiring deadline for Christmas, and had to have the awkward resignation talk the day before our Christmas break. They seemed really down about losing me, enough to were my first talk with them about quitting made them sort of realize how things had gone wrong in the company and they wanted to change stuff (one of the other problems is their empty words, despite good intentions, so I didn't really believe things would change anyway). I decided to take the job offer, and I had my first day in the new company February 3rd this year.

The first week was ok, despite not being able to really do much, but wasn't expect much from the initial weeks anyway, and there was also no expectations of me even during the first couple of months. But the more weeks went by, the less at home I felt in this new job, but I was still thinking maybe it was just the first week(s) jitters, and that once I got more into the project and got to know the people and place, it would be better. Yet this feeling never went away. And this last weekend I sent a message to my product manager boss that I was going to quit, and on Monday we had a talk about it. We never really found a good reason for why I wanted to quit. I actually really liked all the people there, the culture seemed great, and everything was better than my old job in so many ways, not to mention the great pay. But it was hard to ignore that gut feeling, and going into work every day just dreading the day, trying to put up with it. I realized I don't want to keep doing that forever and just hope things get better (maybe they would, but who knows). Rather try out something else and feel happy. I guess I'm not too worried either, because I hadn't even applied for any of these jobs, yet it seems easy to get interviews and find a new job. Maybe I'll eat those words, but I feel pretty confident that finding a new job will be super easy. However now I'm not sure what it is I should be looking out for in a job, since I couldn't figure out why I wasn't feeling the other one. Hopefully I find a cool new place eventually. Right now I'm just gonna take some time off and relax a couple of weeks before I start searching again. Feeling a little burned out from working as well anyway.

Besides that, November last year I also started going to the gym, and have been going pretty regularly since then and really loving seeing the improvements and I love weightlifting. These last weeks I have been bad and not gone at all, but it's mostly been because of all this stress of my new job and not being happy with it. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to gymming again now.

Also going out and doing more things, concerts, events, meetups and whatnot.

So TLDR; been ultra loser for 1.5 decade now, went to therapy, got job as developer, started going to gym, feeling more good about self and confident. Still have some issues of course, but they aren't quite as severe as they used to be.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by kuchitsu »

This sounds very inspiring skint! And please get back to the gym as soon as possible so you don't end up relapsing while you're taking a short break from work. These things can be dangerous like that, so it's very important for you to maintain some discipline.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Bludek »

great read, I am happy for you, skint!


After reading it, I thought about my life and after all I am kinda sad I did not continue my IT career (I studied IT university and then I dropped after 2 years and I finished diff uni eventually). Now a lot of people around me have interesting IT jobs and they are greatly paid on top of that. I do not have below avarage paying job, but I am still a bit envious, coz those jobs seem like stuff I would be very able to do, but they get paid more than I get now.

But I guess I cannot complain otherwise. I work in a typical 9-5 job for a bit over 3 years now, which is fine I guess, I have amazing GF, I am not ill, I have friends, so it is all good. I would love to shift my carrer, though, but finding a different job seems like extremely hard task. I am kinda specialized in one field (postal law) and it would be hard to learn new shit. idk, maybe if I'd tried I'd see more ways out of this job, but I don't even know where else to apply for a job.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by 8-ball »

Nice read skint.

From my experience I can say you want to figure out what kind of work (or even specific type of project) would be meaningful to you personally (ofc making use of the professional skillset you're developing for yourself). Screen companies based on whether they can offer you space for that type of work plus growth opportunities. Higher pay is not gonna make you happier than more meaningful work, beyond a certain threshold. And with experience opening you more doors you can have both. Shop around, take your time. You're in demand so you can negotiate - use competing offers to bump up the pay in the place you really want to work at. Make lasting network connections everywhere you can, they'll open doors for you too, but don't get too attached to a specific workplace - if you do this right you want to interview around every year (or even more often) and move to a place better accommodating for your goals (and better pay ofc) every 1-2 years. But even that can feel far too long if you don't give a shit about the work you have to do.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by insane guy »

Made: insane girl :)
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Hosp »

As in a child?
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by pawq »

insane guy wrote: 29 Jun 2020, 00:23 Made: insane girl :)
Wow, grats to you too man! :D
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by insane guy »

Hosp wrote: 29 Jun 2020, 02:24As in a child?
Yes :) I know its annoying when people stuff their children in everyones faces but I've been with this scene for so many years so I thought I'd share. Thanks pawq!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by roope »

Grats, I can see you being a very dad!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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Very nice gz man
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Yakov38M »

Right now, I'm planning a complete redesign and overhaul for these houses in Munich https://realty-germany.com/houses/bavaria/munich/ for work, which beats the usual, more boring stuff; at least, that's creative.
But on a more serious note, I'm working to move abroad in the future if that's possible, even if it means I have really little free time and things to do these days. The best is still to come!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by John »

Back at uni to study architecture. Still would've liked to be a pilot but had to be realistic (I'm going to get myself a PPL later though).
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Igge »

John wrote: 9 Sep 2020, 20:55 Back at uni to study architecture. Still would've liked to be a pilot but had to be realistic (I'm going to get myself a PPL later though).
Very cool! What made you choose architecture, and how does it feel to go back to studying after a long break?

I'm most likely going to start uni (for the first time) by next semester, after having worked for about 10 years since highschool. Not sure how it will be, but I'm excited!
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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Igge wrote: 10 Sep 2020, 15:13
John wrote: 9 Sep 2020, 20:55 Back at uni to study architecture. Still would've liked to be a pilot but had to be realistic (I'm going to get myself a PPL later though).
Very cool! What made you choose architecture, and how does it feel to go back to studying after a long break?

I'm most likely going to start uni (for the first time) by next semester, after having worked for about 10 years since highschool. Not sure how it will be, but I'm excited!
Been interested in architecture since teenage years :)

What are you going to study? And what made you decide to start studying after so long?
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by umiz »

I wrote some song lyrics for swedish band Skallbank.
Listen on Spotify, search Skallbank - Stockholms blodbad.
Its pretty heavy metal.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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umiz wrote: 11 Oct 2020, 11:25 I wrote some song lyrics for swedish band Skallbank.
Listen on Spotify, search Skallbank - Stockholms blodbad.
Its pretty heavy metal.
And here is the music video! With me as pingislegend :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eda2rwyxCXI
[i cruise, i lev, i live]
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by bene »

New jobbe and moving out from city I have lived in my whole life :bear:
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Zweq »

drinking :coffee: :bear:

edit: good 4000th post
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Igge »

John wrote: 22 Sep 2020, 23:16 Been interested in architecture since teenage years :)

What are you going to study? And what made you decide to start studying after so long?
Najs!

Going to study medicine. Same reason as you basically - have been interested in sciences and especially biology since i was young.
After 10y of working in IT straight out of highschool I had kinda accepted that I would never study at uni despite kinda wanting to. It wasn't until my GF made me come to my senses that it's now or never and nothing to lose, so now I'm really excited to start!
bene wrote: 15 Oct 2020, 07:39 New jobbe and moving out from city I have lived in my whole life :bear:
Very cool! What job and where is bene moving (if want to share)?
umiz wrote: 12 Oct 2020, 21:21 And here is the music video! With me as pingislegend :D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eda2rwyxCXI
Sik, very slick-looking Umiz.
Love me some good metal+pingis, because as we all know pingis is intimately connected to rapmetal:
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by bene »

Igge wrote: 15 Oct 2020, 09:43 Very cool! What job and where is bene moving (if want to share)?
Moving to Jyväskylä to move in with gf. Signed contract for new job and will start there next year. Currently browsing for apartments to rent and figuring out move.
Lots of things to figure out with the move like what to do with my video game and beer collection.
Selling all video games in my collection for cheap so if you are interested in buying NES, SNES, XBOX360, PS1,2,4, Switch, Master system, Mega drive, Wii U games cheaply let me know and I can send list.
Going to have a beer tasting evening with open bar on all my beers in collection (about 400 bottles). If I like you a lot you can come :bear: let me know if interested. Not going to be a huge party with many mans, very small and close beer friend oriented.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Igge »

bene wrote: 15 Oct 2020, 09:57
Igge wrote: 15 Oct 2020, 09:43 Very cool! What job and where is bene moving (if want to share)?
Moving to Jyväskylä to move in with gf. Signed contract for new job and will start there next year. Currently browsing for apartments to rent and figuring out move.
Lots of things to figure out with the move like what to do with my video game and beer collection.
Selling all video games in my collection for cheap so if you are interested in buying NES, SNES, XBOX360, PS1,2,4, Switch, Master system, Mega drive, Wii U games cheaply let me know and I can send list.
Going to have a beer tasting evening with open bar on all my beers in collection (about 400 bottles). If I like you a lot you can come :bear: let me know if interested. Not going to be a huge party with many mans, very small and close beer friend oriented.
Sik!
JKL is nice city, especially for elma as many elmans seem to live there. Been a couple of times on short visits myself, and only complaint is it can get a bit cold.. 8)

Wowy, even with inviting friends over I imagine 400 bottles will take some time to consume. Be sure to log all ratings etc for future reference!

As for consoles, I'm not much of a console person myself; only ones I've pwned are mega drive & PS2 (but dont hev anymore). But I can check with some friends if they might be interested if that helps. Not sure where Bene lives and how freight would be etc.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by bene »

Yes very nice city and work sounds like it is going to be amazing. Skickade lista in pm.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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nice JKL) I also hav long term plan to move to JKL because of disc golf, nice nature and more work opportunities, but that might be in some years or it might never happen, who knows.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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wow we could be disc golf bro team zamppe fm bene going disc golfing in nature :bear: like :bear:s
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

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:bear: :flying_disc: broken flying_disc :frowning: :bear:
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by iltsu »

Welcome everybody to jyväskylä.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Hosp »

Jyväskylä good place, hev visited twice and even went to a Christian school there for a week. Seemed small and comfy.
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by skint0r »

Myne update since last in February:

Quit job I disliked right before corona became a thing, my expectations of finding a new job being ez turned out wrong, oops. Spent many months applying and doing video interviews, and this time being more careful in selecting places I was interested in. My resume/history already pretty shitty, and wanted to make sure I found place I would be happy and stay at etc. Early on before Summer I got an offer at an interesting place, but for some reason my gut feeling told me it wouldn't be the right place. In hindsight I think it might have been pretty nice probably, and if I took it I would maybe have been happy there and had even more work experience by now, but oh well. Hard to say anyway, so moving on with reality. Eventually after Summer break, things picked up a bit again with companies settling down and normalising around corona events, and more of them started looking for people again. Luckily there's always interest and demand in the IT world no matter what.

In around October this year I had done a few interviews and was just in the end phase of the process with a company that were going to give me an offer. It was for a government job within Norwegian Labour and Welfare Administration. The people seemed really nice and I was sure I would have liked being there, and I was all ready for this to happen. Then the same week I got a call from a recruiter who said another company was interested. My first instinct was to just not even bother, since I was already expecting an offer from the other place and I had gotten a good impression from them and wanted the job. But after some thinking, what would it hurt to give it a chance? The recruiter said they were willing to fast forward the process, knowing I had a job offer pending, and they were able to do an interview the next day and then if they were interested, to make an offer within the week.

I interviewed with them twice, and also really liked these guys immediately. Now I suddenly had two offers, from two places I both liked, but which were extremely different in nature. One "safe"/easy/known/stable/whatever goverment job, which would have its pros and cons, and this other one being a company just getting out of the startup phase, fewer people, more freedom probably, and faster pace presumably. Also having its pros and cons.

I actually ended up making a list and scoring the companies on different things, for once a recruiter was a little helpful and gave me this idea by giving me a spreadsheet they had made up for these kind of comparisons. It was a little crude, but it helped give me some insight in a more objective matter. Renaults: Image

So while helpful, it still pretty much made them 50/50 anyway... In the end, what probably made the decision eaiser was the salary ultimately. The government jobs unfortunately have these "pay grades" that are somewhat set in stone, based on your experience, education, while they can be a little bit lenient -- they still have to justify to someone why you should get more and things like that. Their initial offering was a little bit below what I had hoped for, still ok for me... but on the phone I did say that I had hoped for a bit more, and asked him if they could do anything about that. He was going to discuss with people in charge and try to fight for me since it seemed like they genuinely wanted to give me this offer and tried to do everything they could. But in the end they had a limit of how much they could offer me. They did "promise" that this could increase very fast once I had more experience and proven myself to others, but this would still not really be something I could count on so I didn't factor it much into my consideration.

The other company were willing to give a fair bit more, to the point where the decision was pretty easy. Ended up around 58.5k euro + stocks in company earned over time. For me, in my position and with my experience at this time, it was pretty goad. Accepted their offer, and I have now been working as their frontend lead since September.

In November I found an apartment and ended up moving out for the first time for myself, which have been pretty super amazing feeling. Almost feeling adult soon at age of 36...

Job has been going great, really like all the people and imagine myself staying here for the time being. Life very oke at the moment. Oke bye
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Mats
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Mats »

It's inspiring to read your stories. I don't think I even know where to begin on what happend in my life.

In 2015 I lost my job where I had 8y built up stable career, after my losing my driving license for 2,5y. Right after that I jumped back to school just a month afterwards and had a great time there.

In may 2017 I finally got my driving license back and in june I graduated school. Things where great and I started searching for a new girlfriend that summer, and after three failed attempts on dating I put it on ice. I talked to my old boss to get back to the place and people I used to work with, but they were struggling and couldn't hire anyone.
Not long after that I got an option for a 2 months test period in a new company where I basicly worked for free to see if I where useable there.

In December I got hired fulltime and things where going great. I started talking to a girl and we dated until she broke up with me, actually the same morning I left for FEM18.

During 2018 I also found my working enviroment not making me happy, but from time to time there were great things keeping me going. In the autumn I got an offer from where I used to work, but my apprentice was very sad about it. We formed a great friendship and he kept willing to stay longer.

Then in january 2019 things went crazy. I went to a party and met girl there which I met a couple of times many years ago. Everyone went to bed and we got offered to sleep on the couches if we wanted to. We sat up talking and ended up talking about personal stuff which led to us getting closer to eachother. We kissed some and ended up sleeping on the same couch together.

In the morning I woke up by my phone buzzing on the table next to me. I grabbed and saw it was low on power. It was still dark outside so I turned on the flashlight to look for the charger. I stretch down to grab it and when I get back the light hits her and she wakes up fast and angry saying wtf.

I was still supertired and was confused, then she didnt want to talk and sat up on her own phone. I gave up talking and fell asleep again. Next time I woke up a few hours later she had left. I sat up for a little while and didnt bother to wait for the two others to wake up. So I went to the host bedroom and said goodbye before traveling home.

When I got home and ate and stuff I wanted to talk to her again. Then I figured out she deleted me from every platform and I didn't have her number. So I thought about asking someone who knew her later.

Next day she contacted me on text message and started accusing me of filming her while she slept. I apologized for making her think that and tried to explain what happend but then she just ignored me again.

Another day passes and I come home from a long day at work and shortly after that I hear my doorbell. I go and open the door and before I know it I'm arrested by five police officers. They hold me in the hallway while they go search my entire apartment. They take my phones and clothes. I'm trying my best to help them out and after like an hour they escort me to the police car while one of my neighbors are watching.

At the station they strip me from all I have and throw me into a solitary cell with horrible ventilation and nothing but a completely gray room with concrete floor and no windows. Thru the process I kept asking to contact work or family, but they say you will get out soon anyway. They promised me food, but I got nothing. I tried the calling system in the cell after a while, but noone came or answered it. Hours went by and stomach started to hurt, my nicotine craving was skyrocketing and I had no chance of sleeping. Even more hours went by and then I could see thru some tiny holes in the door some police officers put someone in another cell. I asked what time it was thinking it must be morning by now, Then he says its soon midnight 12am. So I knew there was a very long time left just me and my thoughts and my hunger. I tried to lay down to sleep but I was to aware and felt like I couldnt relax. Then a guy in the cell across from me breaks completely down and I was concentrating hard to stay strong and not to let it affect me. I was actually mostly worried about my work appointments the following day and how to deal with talking about the situation I found myself in.

The morning finally came but there were no way to tell as the unnatural lighting all looked the same. A police officer opened the door to bring me to take fingerprints, then saw a clock displaying around 9am. I could hardly focus anymore and they just brutally moved my hands to do it the way the wanted the prints. Took mugshots and threw me back in the cell. A few minutes later they brought coffee and a dry bread with melted cheese on it. As I set my teeth in it I was so happy to eat that I cried and got my first emotional reaction. At that point it was 24h since I last ate something.

Then every hour or 2 there was more tests and tasks, like urine, blood, taking photos halfnaked. All these things infront of many people. After threats and humiliations, there was finally an interview. I don't get told anything other than to tell my story from that night 4 days ago. I tell my story and get thrown back in the cell for another hour. Then I get brought out to get barbequed just like you see on tv by the interviewer. After a lot of uncomfortable questions and agitating it's over and im back at the cell again.
Another hour passes and then the officer opens the door and say Im free to go.

I was reliefed but not happy, the clock was already 4pm and I had no phone. The fresh air outside was great, but I stood there and had no idea what to do. I decided to walk to the train station to get home. During the travel I had no idea how to deal with telling anyone about it. After an hour I got home and just a couple minutes later my brother stormed in the door. Then I broke down and told him what had happened. It turned out my boss had reported me missing and called my parents which then just at told my brother about it. So he was rushing over to look around the apartment. After we talked about it, he lend me a phone to tell my parents and my boss aswell.

That night I still struggled sleeping and got anxious at every little sound, but I managed to get myself to work the next morning. I tried to normalise as much as possible, but it took weeks to develop a more calm sleep pattern again. Still to this day I get anxious whenever doorbell rings unexpectedly.

2 weeks passed and finally I got my phones back, with about 100 unanswered calls on them. Time kept passing and nothing happend. So 2 months later I got in touch with a lawyer.

When I met the lawyer I could finally get knowledge about the case. It turned out she told the police I had raped her and filmed it. My lawyer just told me to keep waiting till the case gets updated.

I decide to move on and try to get my mind of it, so I start dating and get a girlfriend. I tell her the whole thing and she doesnt care about it and still wants to date me.

Then I waited and waited and then all the way out in october there's an update. My lawyer says they found nothing on my phone or my clothes so the case its most likely dropped soon.

I was very positive and was hopefully checking mail everyday, but nothing happens. I start losing faith and start worrying again. Meanwhile I had a lot of pressure at work but struggled to keep up with it. So after christmas I decided to quit and finally quit i february 2020.

In may 2020 my gf moves in at my place and things go well in that aspect. Then already in june when me visit her family she gets into a manic state. Her sister tells me she is bipolar. Then in the middle of the night the mania turns into psychotic and she loses all control at that point. We call an ambulance and a I follow them to psychiatric and things get real ugly, but Im not allowed to follow all the way inside because of covid. Shes slightly reachable and goes back and forth from sanity at that point. Then once she realises where she is she goes into rage and they have to force lock her which was horrible to witness. She screamed like one would scream if someone drag a knife slowly trough you.

Im all shaken up and travel back and forth the following months to hand over her clothes and stuff. No visits and only allowed to talk on the phone which is hard when shes not herself.

Then in August 2020 my lawyer calls me, telling me that police is running the case in court. Im really messed at that point, but try to keep myself positive. Finally in the middle of August some good news. My gf is back to normal and can finally return home.

Court was set to november and I have 3 stressful months waiting. The day of court finally arrive and anxiety before going in is very high. Once it started it wasnt as bad as I imagined. However it lasted for two days. When it was over I felt it went pretty good and had to wait a week for the verdict.

Then december 2020 I get the verdict. Guilty as charged, based on her story. 4y in prison.

I just appealed it and gotta wait for a new round in court. I truly hope there is justice and I can get free from this situation.

Merry Christmas
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Orcc
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Re: What are you doing with your life?

Post by Orcc »

Oh geez, what a story. The most horror thing about rape charges is that if you have sex with someone with mutual agreement and she starts to regret the following day the police will be more likely to just believe her story that she was raped even though there's no evidence. Like what can you do, should always sign an agreement during the night and film a clip where both are saying "hey we will have sex now"?

That story was really horrible to read. One thing was unclear though, did you have sex? I got the understanding that you didn't, but if I got it correct I just can't understand how they could they have any evidence to sentence you. If you did then it just proves the point I wrote earlier.

I hope the justice will be done and you're set free and even get a big compensation for everything as you should. I can imagine that leaves a mark mentally, not just the illegal captivities etc. Try to keep positive and play an Elma battle every now and then to get your mind off things!
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