Did you ever have one or more crushes? If so, how have things turned out with them?

ArZeNiK · Post by **ArZeNiK** » 18 Apr 2019, 14:40

"Your message contains too few characters." shut up lauta

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 18 Apr 2019, 16:11

Had plenty, nothing worked with any of them. What more to say

tej · Post by **tej** » 18 Apr 2019, 17:59

pawq wrote: ↑
18 Apr 2019, 16:11
Had plenty, nothing worked with any of them. What more to say

Had plenty, sometimes works (with one of the people)

ile · Post by **ile** » 19 Apr 2019, 00:10

not really

ArZeNiK · Post by **ArZeNiK** » 19 Apr 2019, 06:57

ile wrote: ↑
19 Apr 2019, 00:10
not really, I gave up by age 14 or so

sad to hear that, why did you?

abruzzi · Post by **abruzzi** » 19 Apr 2019, 20:08

maybe 4chan incel stuff

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 20 Apr 2019, 10:03

Boring responses so far, probably everyone is too embarrassed to tell stories.) (not that I'm any different)

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 20 Apr 2019, 12:25

Dunno about others, but no big stories to tell here, probably same stuff as everyone else.

step 1: notice a girl is pretty
step 2: get obsessed with the prettiest girl on earth
step 3: get depressed she doesn't care about you
step 4: after a couple of months get over her
step 5: go back to step 1

Ruben · Post by **Ruben** » 20 Apr 2019, 12:57

I had same as pawq, except turnover was more like 2 weeks. At one point there I didn't even try, because I knew in 2 weeks it would be someone else anyway.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 20 Apr 2019, 14:56

Ruben wrote: ↑
20 Apr 2019, 12:57
I had same as pawq, except turnover was more like 2 weeks. At one point there I didn't even try, because I knew in 2 weeks it would be someone else anyway.

Wow, that's quick! I had a couple of more persistent ones too, stuck in the back (or front...) of my mind for like 2-3 years

Good old times...

Hosp · Post by **Hosp** » 21 Apr 2019, 02:40

I had 3 major crushes in my life, 2 of which I tried to act upon (like asking out to a movie or announcing my affection towards them), both times rejected tho and the third girl I never made any attempt of a move on.
Have there been times where I am especially attracted to someone apart of these three? Yes, but those haven't been the same.
end of story I guess

Grace · Post by **Grace** » 9 May 2019, 07:43

Had multiple at once on one occasion, was dumb. Real crush = eyes for noone else.

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 10 Jul 2019, 09:19

FUCK IT I'M GONNA CONFESS THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER NO MATTER WHAT

ArZeNiK · Post by **ArZeNiK** » 10 Jul 2019, 10:37

kuchitsu wrote: ↑
10 Jul 2019, 09:19
FUCK IT I'M GONNA CONFESS THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER NO MATTER WHAT

you go, kuchi! gl! i believe in you

Bludek · Post by **Bludek** » 10 Jul 2019, 12:39

Just ask her if she'd like to get some cofe with you. Do not "CONFESS THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER NO MATTER WHAT" :)
I guess it is pretty obvious, but I had to write it anyways.

iCS · Post by **iCS** » 10 Jul 2019, 13:39

Bludek wrote: ↑
10 Jul 2019, 12:39
Just ask her if she'd like to get some cofe with you. Do not "CONFESS THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER NO MATTER WHAT"
I guess it is pretty obvious, but I had to write it anyways.

Not obvious, I nabbed it the same way twice (diff girls

) because i didn't learn anything from the first case XD
I'd like to undo those moments so badly

ArZeNiK · Post by **ArZeNiK** » 10 Jul 2019, 13:52

iCS wrote: ↑
10 Jul 2019, 13:39

Bludek wrote: ↑
10 Jul 2019, 12:39
Just ask her if she'd like to get some cofe with you. Do not "CONFESS THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER NO MATTER WHAT"
I guess it is pretty obvious, but I had to write it anyways.
Not obvious, I nabbed it the same way twice (diff girls ) because i didn't learn anything from the first case XD
I'd like to undo those moments so badly

ofc not always a good idea to junmp right into teh middle of things. if you initiate smth they might unflod by themselves
rip ics

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 10 Jul 2019, 17:58

Afaik kuchi been seeing her for a while, so not really applicable :D

Fingers crossed!

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 10 Jul 2019, 18:13

FAIL xD

but it's all good, we have many things in common and we're mature enough to stay nice friends for years imo (someone will say i'm just in denial, heh)

ArZeNiK · Post by **ArZeNiK** » 10 Jul 2019, 19:50

kuchitsu wrote: ↑
10 Jul 2019, 18:13
FAIL xD

whoops

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 12 Jul 2019, 12:18

Man, it's tough right now.
Guys, please don't wait like half a year to confess. It's too hard to part with all the hopes you build up in the process. Do it before it can seriously hurt you.

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 20 Jul 2019, 21:40

confessing is the most stupid thing you could have done

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 21 Jul 2019, 00:01

milagros wrote: ↑
20 Jul 2019, 21:40
confessing is the most stupid thing you could have done

And why exactly did you feel the need to say that? Regardless of it being true or not?

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 21 Jul 2019, 15:52

pawq wrote: ↑
21 Jul 2019, 00:01
And why exactly did you feel the need to say that? Regardless of it being true or not?

so that he doesn't repeat the same mistake again

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 22 Jul 2019, 08:28

I think the most stupid thing would be to stay silent and keep wondering about her feelings forever. Now I have a clear answer so I can close this chapter of my life and move on, which is very liberating. This also helped me realize that it never hurts to ask: in the worst case you will have to part with a hope, but even that is a good thing as you don't need hopes that don't lead anywhere. Perhaps it's true that these things are supposed to happen more naturally and not through some "declaration", but I felt like in this case there was enough going on for it to be possible that we both are just a little too shy to bring up this topic (we both have zero experience). But if anyone has tips on how to approach crushes better, please write!

Grace · Post by **Grace** » 22 Jul 2019, 17:01

Simple lesson about milagros: If it's something he has no idea about, he'll try to give advice / weigh in. If it's something he knows about, he won't give advice, he'll just write about his own accomplishments there. Knowing this makes it very easy to realise when to ignore him; which is vital for reading mila posts.

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 23 Jul 2019, 03:25

Grace wrote: ↑
22 Jul 2019, 17:01
Simple lesson about milagros: If it's something he has no idea about, he'll try to give advice / weigh in. If it's something he knows about, he won't give advice, he'll just write about his own accomplishments there.

could you paste a few examples of each of these?

So now I will extend my advice (based on your logic implying I have no idea what I'm talking about) :
Female psychology is fucked up. Confessing shows you have a weakness. Women don't like weak men. If you think it makes no sense, think again.

Getting a girl is like telling a joke. You build up a story and in the right moment you throw a punch line. Trying to throw a punchline at the wrong time make the joke not funny. By punchline I don't mean confessing - actions are more than 1000 words.

Grace · Post by **Grace** » 23 Jul 2019, 05:05

In the very next line you prove it yourself anyway.

"Female psychology is fucked up. Confessing shows you have a weakness. Women don't like weak men."

Three over-generalisations in 16 words - and each of them completely incorrect.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 23 Jul 2019, 10:27

milagros wrote: ↑
23 Jul 2019, 03:25
Female psychology is fucked up. Confessing shows you have a weakness. Women don't like weak men. If you think it makes no sense, think again.

Striking confidence for such questionable bs. I'd really like to see mila the womanator in action.

Bludek · Post by **Bludek** » 23 Jul 2019, 12:57

mila wrote:Getting a girl is like telling a joke. You build up a story and in the right moment you throw a punch line. Trying to throw a punchline at the wrong time make the joke not funny. By punchline I don't mean confessing - actions are more than 1000 words.

I agree with mila here.

I can write some shit about what I think so you guys can compare it with your thoughts, at least, even if you ain't gonna necessarily agree.

To expand those lines: From my experience, women want to take it nice and easy. You gotta do everything at the right moment. But you gotta show at least some affection supersoon. In you don't, she'll put you in "a friend" category and "a big confession" after several months is not gonna help anything. Likely the opposite - she'll stop being friend with you as well. Not in rapid succession. Everything will just fade away slowly, though.

A big confession super soon (as opposite to super late) is gonna ruin the whole future as well. You gotta take small steps. Take a girl to a restaurant, look at her affectionately, compliment her dress or hair, buy the fucking dinner (at least the first one or three dinners. After that, in the begginings of a relationship, you can set some rules about money that will fit both of you). At 2nd o 3rd date show bigger affection, touch her, kiss her, compliment her in a more sexual way. You can go faster than that, if she is ok with that. Fucking on a first date happens and can lead to nice and healthy relationship. You can go a bit slower, but from my experience, if you do not show her that you eager physical intimacy by the 6th date, you're done.

Everyone has heard about the "3rd date rule". It really is common getting physical at 3rd date. And those girls you're gonna date have heard about "3rd date rule" too. They'll expect at least something. I've learned the hard way: I have fucked up a lot of chances for a relationship (or at least for sex), because I waited too long.

kuchi wrote: This also helped me realize that it never hurts to ask

If I may paraphrase what mila wrote: it really does hurt very fucking much if you confess at the wrong time.

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 23 Jul 2019, 13:05

Grace wrote: ↑
23 Jul 2019, 05:05
Three over-generalisations in 16 words - and each of them completely incorrect.

these generalizations "generally" worked out well for me
how did your plans/strategies/knowledge worked out?

Grace · Post by **Grace** » 24 Jul 2019, 03:36

"Female psychology is fucked up."

Thinking this way is probably partly due to you over generalising how women feel when it comes to men. There's an old stereotype that it's impossible to understand how women work, and it's not because women are mysterious or confusing, but rather because - just like men - women are different to each other and making generalisations means you are looking at them as a herd or a field to be played, rather than individuals with individual interests and desires. If you don't accept this and try to apply the same ideas to every potential partner, of course you're going to be confused when they each react differently. Saying this makes their psychology "fucked up" is just projecting failure onto someone else.

"Confessing shows you have a weakness."

To some women, sure. To other women, of course this is bullshit. It depends on the person. The problem here isn't the statement, but rather the generalisation, again.

"Women don't like weak men."

To some women, sure. To other women, of course this is bullshit. It depends on the person. The problem here isn't the statement, but rather the generalisation, again.

When you have a crush on one individual, your approach could be to make the right specific moves for that individual, rather than use strategies that help you play the field.

"how did your plans/strategies/knowledge worked out?"

I was going to ignore this but seeing as it IS the overall premise of the thread, I'm happy to answer it

I had a crush on someone in 2011. I became good friends with that person over several months and eventually "confessed" and we are together since December 2011 to now.

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 24 Jul 2019, 09:56

To me the Haruhi way sounds much nicer. Become good friends that know a lot about each other and enjoy each other's company, basically reach a state where you both can be yourselves when you're together, then try taking things further if you actually feel something more. I don't like the idea of "conquering" girls through an elaborate scheme where you go out of your way to impress them and do just the right things at just the right times because it doesn't sound genuine. Do you want to rely on "strategies" until the end of the relationship or do you want to be accepted for who you are? And if there is only a tiny window of opportunity when it's possible to get together, are you two really such a good match? But I'm a virgin and don't know anything. xD

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 24 Jul 2019, 15:30

"Female psychology is fucked up."

I meant this as an introduction to the next two statements, so there is no need to argue about this point, rather about the next two.

"Confessing shows you have a weakness."

Of course it is a generalization, but the purpose of (any) generalizations is to prior on the behavior given no other information. Based on my self-collected statistics this statement is valid for maybe 80% of women. The more retarded non-personal way to confess you choose (for example an email or IM) the higher chance you fail. The more dependent or desperate you sound, the higher chance you fail.

"Women don't like weak men."

Same as before, but this statement is valid for way over 95% of women.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 24 Jul 2019, 18:00

milagros wrote: ↑
24 Jul 2019, 15:30
Based on my self-collected statistics this statement is valid for maybe 80% of women. The more retarded non-personal way to confess you choose (for example an email or IM) the higher chance you fail.

Do you think that it was maybe unnecessary to be so critical and patronising to kuchi when he confessed, if you had done it enough times in the past (including by e-mail) to make statistics about it?

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 26 Jul 2019, 03:38

pawq wrote: ↑
24 Jul 2019, 18:00
Do you think that it was maybe unnecessary to be so critical and patronising to kuchi when he confessed, if you had done it enough times in the past (including by e-mail) to make statistics about it?

i built the statistics using all the people I know
smart people learn from other people's mistakes

Kortsu · Post by **Kortsu** » 27 Jul 2019, 18:58

Yes, I have had crushes.

Mostly these haven't turned into anything, since I have not advanced. The times I have tried to suggest a more private place to talk, they have said no (she was in a relationship) or no time right now (turns out she doesn't ever have time).

ribot · Post by **ribot** » 9 Sep 2019, 14:33

About confessing I would agree that it's not a smart move. It's like dropping a bomb and creating an awkward social context, whereas making things work socially with someone you're interested in is really important.

If you think about it, if someone you don't know is interested in you out of the blue has a long story of how they obsessed about you... it just gets weird. It's not how you make someone interested.

If you want to have success with crushes you need a lot of courage. When you're no longer afraid of rejection - that's when you have enough xp. If you're still afraid of rejection you just didn't really try enough.

This is what you need to hoyl for total success:
1. Get xp in talking to people you're interested in, make a habit of always talking to the most attractive people
2. Learn to show interest, not by confessing but by giving cues and showing social interest (not like giving compliments but more like being present, having good conversations and touching)
3. Learn to deal with rejection. Rejection only means bad timing. There is no such thing as friend zone. Just get rejected until it doesn't scare you anymore. There is nothing wrong with you but it gets awkward if you're not sure of yourself. You get confidence with xp.
4. Be yourself but from above practice learn to be confident in just being who you are. No crush is worth it if they don't like who you really are.
Bonus: make up a scoring system and count points every time you go outside your comfort zone (talk to someone attractive, try something new, get rejected). Failing is a lot of xp so make sure to fail a lot. With the scoring system you can focus more on skills than worrying about your self worth.

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 10 Sep 2019, 23:44

Neat mental trick with turning failures into something good! Thx for writing this.))

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 11 Sep 2019, 00:22

GAA post ribot.

mila: watch and learn

gimp · Post by **gimp** » 12 Sep 2019, 18:30

The problem with all these strategies is just that, you are strategizing. Focus instead on your career and passions and building relationships with other men who are similar to you.

Evolution would suggest that women are attracted to providers and men with social power. Men are attracted to wide hips and big breasts because we are attracted to fertility.

Be a provider and have social power, the attractive women will then come to you and you dont need to do anything. You can choose which personality you like best.

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 12 Sep 2019, 19:38

pawq wrote: ↑
11 Sep 2019, 00:22
mila: watch and learn

what he wrote doesn't negate anything I did
I kinda agree with everything he wrote

Zweq · Post by **Zweq** » 12 Sep 2019, 21:17

I can provide massive loads of cum from my gigantic balls for all the cunts in the world, but I'm not seeing any women lining up.

I had one massive crush in 2013, like 100 times stronger than ever before or ever after, not particularly beautiful or anything, just felt like a sycc fit from all that I heard her say, body language wise, shyness osv. So I sent email to her, like a full confession sort of mail, eventhough I knew she was in a relationship, lol. Well, I wasn't doing particularly well mentally back then (if I ever have). I just had to do something because I felt like if I don't do anything I'm going to think about it later and regret. No other big crushes, semi-interesting girls pop up every now and then, but I quickly forget about them.

zebra · Post by **zebra** » 13 Sep 2019, 08:31

I have had some crushes, but out of those crushes my current wife is the only one who has actually been interested in me. I can't really say what's the main thing why she fell in love with me but at least we have common religion, have quite same age and live in the same place (she moved near me accidentally 5 years ago and we started seeing each other). She says that the most important thing is security, that she feels secure near me and can trust me. We also have quite many common friends. So basically I think that men and women (or at least me and my wife) are looking for different kind of things: men are looking for beauty and women are looking for security.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 13 Sep 2019, 11:42

milagros wrote: ↑
12 Sep 2019, 19:38
what he wrote doesn't negate anything I did
I kinda agree with everything he wrote

He managed to write it sounding positive and helpful, you wrote it sounding patronising and mean. A world of difference.

gimp wrote: ↑
12 Sep 2019, 18:30
Be a provider and have social power, the attractive women will then come to you and you dont need to do anything.

oh god...

iCS · Post by **iCS** » 13 Sep 2019, 12:07

Zweq wrote: ↑
12 Sep 2019, 21:17
I can provide massive loads of cum from my gigantic balls for all the cunts in the world, but I'm not seeing any women lining up.

MANFACE:!!!

kuchitsu · Post by **kuchitsu** » 13 Sep 2019, 12:53

Lol, I think gimp basically wanted to say that you should just focus on becoming a strong reliable person instead of hoping that some goddess will descend from the heavens and save you from your misery. And like if you become successful (socially, financially, and so on), women will be interested in you even if you don't do anything specifically to impress them. But not sure.

pawq · Post by **pawq** » 13 Sep 2019, 13:15

Of course being successful (whatever the interpretation of the word) is a big factor, because it's some indicator of how well people can cope with challenges and difficulties in life, and being good at handling those is probably desirable in a partner for any person. But human relationships are so much more than just men providing and women being sexy. gimp generalised so badly that I can't even.

Also:

gimp wrote: ↑
12 Sep 2019, 18:30
Men are attracted to wide hips and big breasts

I'm attracted to neither, so there go your generalisations.

ArZeNiK · Post by **ArZeNiK** » 13 Sep 2019, 13:29

gimp wrote: ↑
12 Sep 2019, 18:30
Men are attracted to wide hips and big breasts

imo in a long-term relationship almost everything else counts more in terms of attraction than the physical appearance
also this "big boob good not big boob bad" is quite the generalisation for males but i've never experienced such an attraction. i would guess it's just as much of a preference as every other physical trait is. for example, i like short girls because they are so cute omg

jonsykkel · Post by **jonsykkel** » 13 Sep 2019, 13:40

me like - big tidis
dont undersand vhy pplz always say generalising bad (mb its 2 much time on redit syndrome), dosnt it make cense to base ur views on things that r generaly true