Humour of the Day

Ramone · Post by **Ramone** » 9 Nov 2004, 00:56

3 blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of
tracks and started arguing about what kind of tracks they were.

The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks".

The second blonde said, "I think they're dog tracks".

The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks".

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Zweq · Post by **Zweq** » 9 Nov 2004, 11:21

:) :D

Pertti · Post by **Pertti** » 9 Nov 2004, 14:54

quite blondish...

Kopaka · Post by **Kopaka** » 9 Nov 2004, 19:07

Why are 17 blondines standing outside the disko?

Juski · Post by **Juski** » 9 Nov 2004, 19:09

Because you have to be 18 to get in

Pertti · Post by **Pertti** » 9 Nov 2004, 20:14

Pertti wrote:quite blondish...

StingZor! · Post by **StingZor!** » 10 Nov 2004, 11:07

What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't

I like that one

Windows'95: New look, same multicrashing

Revolt · Post by **Revolt** » 10 Nov 2004, 11:18

first one was as lame as: wats a cows favourite food? mooseli bar

last 2 were ok

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 11 Nov 2004, 02:43

i know one....

what do you get when you cross an alligator with a caveman

an AGROGATOR!!!!!

man that was a good one....

another one:

Q: Revolt, an obese person and a loser walk into a bar... and that was just the first person!

man that is good

The_BoneLESS · Post by **The_BoneLESS** » 11 Nov 2004, 02:59

the haydnatorgator wrote:Q: Revolt, an obese person and a loser walk into a bar... and that was just the first person!

man that is good

That was so mean, it would almost deserve a ban just for the evilness of the joke

Pertti · Post by **Pertti** » 11 Nov 2004, 15:06

the haydnatorgator wrote:i know one....

what do you get when you cross an alligator with a caveman

an AGROGATOR!!!!!

man that was a good one....

another one:

Q: Revolt, an obese person and a loser walk into a bar... and that was just the first person!

man that is good

bad day, bad humor.

you should learn to be standable.

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 11 Nov 2004, 16:42

A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."

The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you
something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was
Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was
German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

The clerk says, "Well, no."

"And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

" Well, I probably wouldn't."

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then,
why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 11 Nov 2004, 16:44

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field in the distance. Amazed, he asks, "What the hell are those?!"
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 11 Nov 2004, 16:46

A guy goes into a crowded doctors office and walks up to the nurse checking people in. The nurse inquires why the man needs to see the doctor. "It's about my dick" he says loudly. Well this gets the nurse very annoyed "you shouldn't say something so loudly that will embarass others in the office" she tells him. "Well you should not ask the question if the answer could be embarrassing" he replys.

The nurse tells him the right way to appoach a situation like this is to say his ear or foot hurts, then once alone with the doctor be specific. So the man leaves the office for a couple of minutes , returns and approaches the nurse."Why do you need to see the doctor" she askes. The man replies" It's about my ear". The nurses smiles smuggly feeling she has won this battle. " What is wrong with you ear" she inquires
" I can't piss out of it"

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 11 Nov 2004, 22:17

What is a swedish-australian couple called?

Ky-Luthy...

*sigh*

nice jokes really

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 12 Nov 2004, 07:53

tijsjoris wrote:What is a swedish-australian couple called?

Ky-Luthy...

*sigh*

nice jokes really

well that would work if either one of us was australian you idiot Ã¶Ã¶

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 14 Nov 2004, 10:16

shut up ky jelly.

Heres a joke whats ugly has no friends and smells bad....YOU!

Ahahahah i am a comedy genious let the banning begin.

ps you suck

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 14 Nov 2004, 11:14

you are a great joke teller flika, you can be my apprenticeand i shall teach you how to tell jokes like i do:

what do frogs hand their coats on?

a croak rack

Revolt · Post by **Revolt** » 14 Nov 2004, 11:19

the haydnatorgator wrote: Q: Revolt, an obese person and a loser walk into a bar... and that was just the first person!

omg u are the master joke teller.... not! look in kuski gallery, not good picture, but shows how obese i am. and might be loser but not as big a one as you for telling this joke!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 14 Nov 2004, 11:35

Ahhh i hope everyone can see revolts post cause he didn't even tell a joke i think that deserves a ban plus by replying he only encourages us. Therefore i expect to see Revolt banned along with me.

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 14 Nov 2004, 13:34

KyJelly, how do you call a dutch cow?

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 14 Nov 2004, 14:05

tijsjoris wrote:KyJelly, how do you call a dutch cow?

here girl

StingZor! · Post by **StingZor!** » 15 Nov 2004, 20:46

This is only avalible in swedish so...

Jag har drabbats av latmask!

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 15 Nov 2004, 20:54

damnit, I don't understand.

This joke is quite funny, when you understand french.
A french farmer is at the village, and tell his pig can add numbers.
He gets a lot of critics, and eventually says:
"Alright, I can prove you that my pig can add numbers. OK, jaque, what's 4+5?"
And the pigs sniffs "neuf, neuf" (neuf is nine in french)
"Jaque, what's the answer to 3+6?"
Once again the pig sniffs "neuf, neuf"

Then one man in the crowd mentions that this is a cheat and the pig can only say "neuf". The man suggests that the pig should now add 2+6.

The farmers isn't panicked though and takes a stick which he puts through the ass of the pig.

"HUUUUIIIIIT!1111"

Juski · Post by **Juski** » 15 Nov 2004, 21:46

tijs max funney jokes, and im just a dumb swede!

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 16 Nov 2004, 20:38

What's the difference between a blonde an a dumb swede?

The haircolor.

zworqy · Post by **zworqy** » 16 Nov 2004, 22:07

Lame attempt. It doesn't work because all swedes have blond hair.

Napoleon · Post by **Napoleon** » 16 Nov 2004, 22:23

hah still found it quite funne

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 16 Nov 2004, 22:25

zworqy wrote:Lame attempt. It doesn't work because all swedes have blond hair.

OK, so a blonde equals a swede?

Juish · Post by **Juish** » 19 Nov 2004, 10:59

OMG i know humour of the day .. picture just make of myself and pictures of me as pirate =) hahaha i post now .....

Heah!!!

Kopaka · Post by **Kopaka** » 19 Nov 2004, 16:59

omg juish the pirate.. haha cool pictures

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 24 Nov 2004, 18:29

Phone Call

((((RING))))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause

"Uh, okay then, ...this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??...Is this 555-7039??"

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 24 Nov 2004, 18:30

On a summer night in Boston a five alarm blaze ripped through an apartment complex. The fire department rushed to the scene hoses ready. The chief a lil late from the previous fire arrived a half hour after the blaze had been put under control. Walking around the building inspecting the impecable job of his men, he noticed two firemen in the back alley. Upon closer inspection it appeared to the chief that one fireman was !#@& -ing the other in the transum. The fireman giving called out to his chief, explaining that the other man was suffering of smoke inhalation and he was trying to revive him. The chief promptly replied that mouth-to-mouth recessifitation was common proceedure...
The fireman giving replied: How do you think this got started?!?!?

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 6 Jan 2005, 02:28

2 men and one woman are stuck on unsettled island

after 1st month woman says:
i've got enough of these sculduggeries, i'll kill myself
and so she did

after 2nd month one man says:
i've got enough of these sculduggeries, let's dig her in
and so they did

after 3rd month one man says:
i've got enough of these sculduggeries, let's dig her out

milagros · Post by **milagros** » 6 Jan 2005, 02:34

one train is going through some small village in russia and before train-station everybody closes his window

nobody behave anyhow strange only one foreigner was surprised:
Why did they do it?

one of those natives said:
Many years ago one girl went shitting to the corn field when train was going around, one rich foreigner saw her, they've felt in love and go married

foreigner asked:
And what does it have to do with this?

native answered:
Now whole village goes shitting to the corn field every time train arrives

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 6 Jan 2005, 12:13

I know it's forbidden to say something like "LOL!1"
But this last joke is so grossely funny =))

8-ball · Post by **8-ball** » 13 Feb 2005, 15:10

name this topic: "tell a joke and explain it for the dumbasses to get it afterwards DOH"

Dynamo · Post by **Dynamo** » 28 Apr 2005, 03:06

Why would playing elma for a living be a sweet job?

Cuz it's a good thing to take time off!!!!!

Bahwawawawaah!!

ribot · Post by **ribot** » 30 Apr 2005, 18:00

a guy was talking to the juice but it didnt reply. why? because he was talking to the carton, instead of the actual juice.

The_BoneLESS · Post by **The_BoneLESS** » 30 Apr 2005, 18:40

ribot wrote:a guy was talking to the juice but it didnt reply. why? because he was talking to the carton, instead of the actual juice.

I just can't understand how this joke actually really made me laugh...

ribot · Post by **ribot** » 30 Apr 2005, 21:06

you gotta be there to understand it...

Crypt · Post by **Crypt** » 30 Apr 2005, 21:08

lolZ!

Revolt · Post by **Revolt** » 2 May 2005, 02:51

will someone just ban this kid already? he constatly is just saying lol, lolZ! and you keep warning him, but do nothing :S

CMc · Post by **CMc** » 2 May 2005, 03:18

"The sea is nice, take my advice and stay right hereaaaaah."

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 23 May 2005, 22:27

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.

After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well, sister, this looks pretty grim. "
"I know, father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
" I agree", says the Father, "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"Anything, Father."

"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

"Sister, would you mind if I touched them? "
She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

"Father, could I ask something of you? "
"Yes, Sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.

"Oh Father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

" Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can produce life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."

"Oh Father that's wonderful!", chirped the Nun. "Stick it in the camel and let's get the fuck out of here."

Ky.Jelly · Post by **Ky.Jelly** » 23 May 2005, 22:29

The heads of the CIA, FBI, and the LAPD were in a conference with the
president of the United States. They couldn't accomplish much, however,
because of their incessant rivalry with regards to which agency could
apprehend suspects the most efficiently and quickly.

The president decides to settle it once and for all by releasing a
rabbit into the woods and timing the results of the agencies as a test of
efficiency.

The CIA places several animal informants in the woods and after
eighteen weeks of deep cover questioning of all the animal, plant and mineral
witnesses, they conclude that the rabbit has fled to a foreign country
and that they need arms to trade with Columbia in order to get
cooperation with extradition efforts.

The FBI surrounds the woods with its own agents and those of the ATF
after reports that the rabbit has armed himself and is operating a
militia using the woods as a hub of operation. After four weeks of frustation
and standoff they rush the woods without warrants and accidentally burn
down the whole damned woods with a malfunctioning tear gas canister,
killing 112 rabbits, several hundred animal hostages and innocent
onlookers. They insisted, however that the rabbit had it coming because they
had given him ample time to give himself up.

The LAPD sent four uniformed officers into the woods and in less than
an hour returned with a badly beaten black bear who was screaming Okay,
Okay, I'm a rabbit.

The president gave up.

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 23 May 2005, 22:30

Haha, best joke this year. Great to see you back on your best grounds.

(referring to the desert joke)

Crypt · Post by **Crypt** » 24 May 2005, 04:43

how do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
A BLENDER

how do you get them out!
TORTILLA CHIPS!

Hahah

twipley · Post by **twipley** » 24 May 2005, 15:34

what will I think about the next time I eat Tortilla Chips ? disgusting in the whole!

teajay · Post by **teajay** » 24 May 2005, 15:43

brooooiiing....!

(yes, boring)

Ok, one lazy attempt by me.

Four germans are flying in an airplane, somewhere in 1941. Hitler is one of them.
Then suddenly, the plane begins to lose air.
Quickly one german says: "I save three people now, I sacrifice myself!", and he jumps out of the plane.

The situation seems save again, until the pilot screams that there is a whole fleet of english bombers flying in the distance, rapidly coming nearer. One of the three passengers, Helmut, seemed to be ready for this, and quickly drops the left-overs of ammunition, when flying over this fleet. All planes are destroyed, and the situation is save again. After this Helmut comments: "Just because of me, a whole german city was saved, over one million people!"

Then there quickly starts an argument between him and the other passenger.

"I saved a whole army, just by sacrificing some dozen of soldiers!"
"O yeah? Well I protected Hitler, while there was an attack on our headquarters!"
"Whatever, I'm still the bigger hero!"
"Proove that, you loudmouth!"

Then the other guy walks to Hitler, and throws him out of the plane.

"You see, right now, I saved fifty million people..."